Parents and Sons

Mata-Pita is the term for mother and father in Pali. The parents and sons shared a relationship of love and affection. While describing a son’s attitude to his parents, the Buddha says, “Parents cannot be repaid even if a son should provide them with all physical care and comforts that may need and also earn for them all the power and riches on earth; this is because the parents bring their children into being and nourish them.”^[1] “Parents are like Brahma; they are the ancient teachers, they are worthy of gifts. The wise worship them, honour them and satisfy their material needs, for they are compassionate to their children.”^[2] Of the six quarters, the parents are represented by the east, hence a son should support them, fulfil the duties which he inherits from his father; continue the lineage, by worthy of inheritance and pay homage to the ancestors.^[3]

Nevertheless, there are only some persons who behave in this ideal manner towards their father. We find persons, on the one hand, who behave ideally. The brahmana Dhananjani, exploits the king and the gahapatis playing them off against each other in order to support his parents and family.^[4] Ghatikara, the potter, supports his blind parents and family.^[5]

Another brahmana is nicknamed “supporter of his mother (matuposaka)” because he maintains his parents by begging. The Buddha is in support of him and says that this deed^[6] will help him to go to heaven. Even after becoming a monk, sudinna Kalandaka, promises his mother that he should fulfil his duty towards her and his father by providing a son for the continuation of the lineage.^[7]

The doctor Jivaka shows gratitude to his foster faster, Prince Abhaya, who brought him up^[8] by presenting his substantial first earnings. We find persons, on the other hand, who do not behave ideally. Bimbisara, the father of Ajatasattu, who was a righteous man, was killed by his son for the sake of throne^[9] and Ajatasattu admits this before the Buddha. The brahmana Manatthadda respects neither his parents nor his elder borther.^[10] The action of the upasaka who presented a store room to a group of nuns is challenged by his faithless son in a court after his death.^[11] When the Buddha sees a rich brahmana looking worn out and dressed, and inquires about his state, he says that it is his five sons and their wives who have driven him out of the house.^[12] Rahula instigated by his mother addresses the Buddha (his father) as samana, a term of indifference rather than affection, and asks for his inheritance.^[13]

The parents wish a son to be born in the family because he will add to the possession, perform the family duties, perpetuate the lineage, transmit the inheritance to his sons in turn and pay homage to the ancestors.^[14] The parents perform their duties by restraining their son from vice and exhorting them to virtue train them in a profession, marry them suitably, and hand them over their inheritance in due time.^[15]

The parents show deep love and affection towards their sons through performances. Aggika jatila, a mendicant, addresses the foundling as tata whom he brought up in order to show affection; while the child addresses him as pita (father).^[16] Yasa, the sons of a setthi gahapati, Anuruddha and the Buddha, are all supported in great luxury by their parents. According to a stock formula repeated in each case, they are given three mansions each for a different season and many women to serve them.^[17] Another son of a setthi, sona Kotivisa, is so delicately nurtured “that hair grew on the soles of his feet.” The parents of sona send him in a palanguin^[18], when the king sends for sona. The parents of upali want him to choose a suitable profession so that he may live happily after their death. They reject scribing (lekhana) for it may pain his fingers, counting (ganana) because it may hurt his chest, and money changing (rupam) because it may weaken his eyes. At last, they thought monkhood to be the best choice for their son because the monks live at ease, eat good meals, and take a siesta sheltered from the wind after the meals.^[19]

A gahapati goes to depression at the death of his son and due to grief stops eating, leave his business and often visits the funeral ground shouting for his dead son.^[20] The parents of sudinna Kalandaka do not permit him to become a monk.^[21] Yasa leaves his house without informing anybody and it is his mother who notices his absence first. Later, the setthi gahapati, yasa’s father, while pleading with him says, “your mother is full of grief and laments. Give life back to your mother.^[22] It has been said in the Anguttara that it is unbearable for a mother to see her son grow old. In the similar way, the son cannot bear to see his mother grow old.^[23] When the Buddha leaves home, his parents have faces “with tears caused by crying.”^[24] The Buddha’s father, suddhodana sakya, makes a request to him that a son would not be allowed to join the order without his parents’ consent. He described his own feelings in these lines, “When you (Buddha) went forth there was great sorrow, the same happened when Nanda did so. But when Rahula went it was extreme. The affection for a son is deeply set in the body. It cuts to the marrow and it goes deep in the bones.^[25]

In contrast to this melodramatic expression of affection towards the son, we find the Buddha giving advise to the brahmana Mahasala who was driven out of the house by his sons, to shame them in public. Accordingly the brahmana recites a verse taught by the Buddha, in a public hall. He says: “He (the father) was glad at the birth of sons while they [the sons] in concert with their wives drove him out of the house. These sons are shameless and impious. They call him tata but really they are the demons in the guise of sons. They do not care for an old man just as they do not care for a horse. So they leave him in the lurch. He is their father, the senior of his children. Yet he begs at others’ doors.” After hearing this, the sons are duly ashamed and they clothe him anew and respect him.^[26]

The most important responsibility of a son is to maintain the family lineage. The concern with the continuation of the lineage^[27] can very well be observed in the instance of sudinna Kalandaka. Moreover, the Buddha is accused of making families (kula) sonless (apputtakataya) and thereby destroying them.^[28]

The succession to office is from father to the son. Ajatasattu kills his father Bimbisara in order to succeed him on his throne.^[29] Inheritance occupies an important place in parent-son relationship. The son possesses the property of both the mother and the father, but in case there is none, the property goes either to the next of kin or to the state. Rahula’s ordination greatly hurts suddhodana sakya because he has no heir left after him.^[30] The property of a setthi gahapati who dies intestate is confiscated by king Pasenadi.^[31] The Buddha demonstrates the significance of inheritance, and explains this happening by saying that in the previous life the intestate gahapati had killed his brother’s only son for the sake of property.^[32] The equal division of th einheritance between all sons can be seen in the case of a brahmana who dies leaving a son by one of his two wives. When the other wife is pregnant the son goes to his mother’s co-wife (matu sapattim) and asks her to hand over the property. He says: “Whatever wealth there is, is mine. There is nothing here for you whatever; make over to me the inheritance of my father.” She, however, replies, “Wait till a child is born to me; if it is a son he will share the property with you equally, if a girl she shall wait on you.^[33] It now becomes clear that both wife and daughter are not included in the inheritance which is patrilineal. It is natural to find king Pasenadi sad when a daughter is born to him instead of a son.^[34]

The transference of property is possible in the father. Thus, gahapati Potaliya has handed over the inheritance to his sons as befitting one who is concerned with spiritual affairs. His sons are no longer being advised by him.^[35] A gahapati of Vesali gives property not to his own son but to his sister’s son. He asks the monk Ajjuka to ascertain which of the two has faith and belief (in the Buddha). Ajjuka takes the side of the sister’s son, to the annoyance of the gahapati’s own son.^[36] The latter appeals to the monk ananda says that the son is the heir to the father. The monk Ajjuka is then blamed by the son of the gahapati. The monk upali, in a final appeal, confirms that the monk Ajjuka is right in siding with the one who has faith.^[37]

The ancestor worship is the last factor which comprises of paying homage to the ancestors by the son. Thus, the son has to make offering to the ancestors^[38], when the parents are dead. The ancestors (pubbapeta)^[39] are given a share (bali) in the son’s (kulaputta) hard-earned wealth.

Footnotes and references:

[1]:

Anguttara Nikaya.I.62, mata-pitaro puttanam apadaka posaka imassa dessetaroti.

[2]:

Ibid., II.70.

[3]:

Digha Nikaya.IIII.189.

[4]:

Mujjhima Nikaya.II.186-86.

[5]:

Ibid., 50ff.

[6]:

Samyutta Nikaya.I.181.

[7]:

Vinaya.III.10, 16 and 18.

[8]:

Ibid., I.272.

[9]:

Ibid., 85-86.

[10]:

Samyutta Nikaya.I.177.

[11]:

Vinaya.IV.23-24.

[12]:

Samyutta Nikaya.I.177.

[13]:

Vinaya.I.82.

[14]:

Digha Nikaya.III.189.

[15]:

Ibid.

[16]:

Digha Nikaya. III.340

[17]:

Vinaya.I.15; II.180; Anguttara Nikaya.I.145.

[18]:

Ibid., I.179.

[19]:

Vinaya.I.77.

[20]:

Majjhima Nikaya.II.106.

[21]:

Ibid., III.13-14.

[22]:

Ibid., I.17.

[23]:

Anguttara Nikaya.I.179.

[24]:

Mujjhima Nikaya.II.166; Digha Nikaya. I.115.

[25]:

Vinaya.I.82-83.

[26]:

Samyutta Nikaya.I.176-77.

[27]:

Ibid., III.18.

[28]:

Vinaya.I.43.

[29]:

Digha Nikaya.I.85.

[30]:

Vinay.I.82-83.

[31]:

Samyutta Nikaya.I.89-90.

[32]:

Ibid., I.92.

[33]:

Digha Nikaya.II.331.

[34]:

Samyutta Nikaya.I.86.

[35]:

Majjhima Nikaya.I.360.

[36]:

Vinaya.III.66.

[37]:

Ibid., III.66-67.

[38]:

Digha Nikaya.III. 189; Petanam Kalakatanaṃ, anupadassati.

[39]:

Anguttara Nikaya.II.67-68.