Unsolicited Advice

UNSOLICITED ADVICEtc "UNSOLICITED ADVICE"

One of the easiest things in life that anybody can do is to pass an advice, more often unsolicited than asked for. Nothing else is parted so easily and imparted so very freely. Advice is for others and it is for that reason perhaps none who has had it from others ever tries to keep it for himself. “I can easier teach twenty what were best to do than be one of them to follow mine own teaching,” says the bard of Stratford-on-Avon. In matters of advice, as in everything else, it is the one at the receiving end whose hand is down below who really had it. Every word of Polonius’ famous advice to his son Laertes is full of worldly wisdom of several do’s and don’ts but for one omission. He failed to add at the end, “Beware of advice”.

Preaching is one thing and doing another. It is said that it was a well-known preacher who was found dead in a first class compartment with a third class ticket in his pocket. Men of action are often men of few words and vice versa. I have yet to come across a person in whom both these functions are evenly balanced. It is a frank admission of the fact that when the heart is empty, the mouth is full of words of advice when one says, “Do as I say but not as I do.” When approached by a beggar for alms, those who can, show their generosity by parting with a little money and the empty-handed gentry are generous with words of advice, “why don’t you go and work and not beg like this?” It is normally as little heeded as it is freely offered, unsolicited and unwarranted too from the beggar’s point view.

From whom can we get the best advice? Obviously it is not from the best man leading a life of perfection as such men are devoid of necessary worldly wisdom which can be gained not from books but from ones own personal experience. P. J. Bailey says the same thing but differently when he says that, “the worst men give oft the best advice”. The teetotaller is hardly the person to advice people against drinking. He is not competent to do so as he knows next to nothing about either its pleasures or its evils thereof. It is the worst addict who is down and out after drinking to the lees that can advice rightly, “look, at me and learn.” The evils of smoking, coming from the non-smoker’s mouth sound hollow and funny and it is the words reeking with the smell of tobacco that can denote truly the extent of damage it has caused. It is the person who has borrowed right and left without ever bothering to repay that is the most competent person to advice, “Neither a borrower nor a lender be, for the loan oft loses itself and friend”. He alone knows how many friends he has lost and not he who borrows and repays promptly for he can only talk of the virtues of these small conveniences of life. It is the illiterate father who can rightly advise his son as he is himself a living example of what he has missed in life by not paying proper attention to his studies at the right time, disregarding his parent’s advice. It is from past mistakes one learns and he can be a better guide for others than the one who has never grown wiser this hard way. “It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all”, says the lover out of his own experience.

It may sound paradoxical but true that it is from those who should be shunned that we often get the best piece of advice. The peculiar trait of such men who have grown wiser after the event is that they cannot keep all their wisdom to themselves. They will be burning with a desire to help others by sharing it with them. They will not allow the slightest opportunity of passing on their wisdom slip from their hands. The next time when you get into a train and take your seat by the side of an elderly person with no book or newspaper in his hand, you can be sure you are in trouble. He starts with, “How far are you going?” and by the time you reach your destination, you would have had a very lengthy harangue from him on many do’s and don’ts”. You might not have opened your mouth or shown any interest in it, but that doesn’t take away his inalienable right to see that everyone he comes across profits from his own experience in life.

Then there are those who do not offer their advice but seek yours. Advice-seekers are a class by themselves and they have a subtle way of ingratiating themselves with their victims. “My son has passed such and such an examination. What do you advise him to do next?”, he would first ask you in all seriousness You feel flattered that he has sought your considered advice but in majority of cases he is only seeking your help or good offices for a proper start in his career. It could also be that he had already made up his mind and he was only informing you about his son. If you think that he will implicitly obey your advice, then you are either over-estimating yourself or you are a poor judge of human beings.

Sometime ago, a well-known educationist said that in our country everyone feels competent to talk and advise on three things, namely, on medicine, education and Vedanta. These self-styled experts are everywhere and they are ready with their bit of advice on any of them, unsolicited. When a patients condition is the subject matter of discussion, “have you tried such and such a treatment from such and such a doctor?” is a very common advice from Mr. Know-all. Of late, with the advent of anti-biotics, everyone is as good as any other in offering well-intentioned advice on what drug was more efficacious than any other and for what ailment.

There is another branch of knowledge in which a mere smattering of it gives anybody the boldness of an expert. That is what is called ‘Vastu Sastra’. Whether you ask for it or not some people never hesitate to point out whether the ‘Vastu’ of the building is perfect or not and if not what are the repercussions and what is the remedy. I remember an interesting incident when some of us went to see a friend’s newly-built house. There was among us a self-styled expert on ‘Vastu’. After we all had sumptuous dinner, he carefully inspected every nook and corner of the house and pointing to a particular door said that it should not be there. We could see our host’s face changing colour. We were afraid of what was going to follow. He added that if the door was not removed at once, the head of the family would fall seriously ill. That gentleman was so visibly moved that he said he would get it removed the very next day itself and really got it done.  With this friend in company we had some embarrassing moments whenever we visited “Grihapravesan” functions.  He never means anything bad but he says he cannot keep quiet when there is something wrong according to ‘Vastu’. “I would rather court his displeasure now than see some misfortune befalling him later which could be avoided by a little alteration here and there”, he would often argue with us. There is no stopping such people from offering their comments and advice, no matter solicited or not.

Talking of advice, it is unfair not to acknowledge the contribution made by women in bettering the lot of others by their invaluable advice in which they never lag behind their male counterparts.  If in nothing else, atleast here, they have proved beyond any shadow of doubt that whatever men can do, women can do still better.  Of all, it is in matrimonial alliances, they excel men, in offering their advice and they are guided more by their unerring-instincts than anything else.

In my own view, there is nothing more foolish than offering advice to others as it is never taken seriously by any sensible person. Even the children do not take their parents seriously after a particular stage.  It is common human failing to take only that part of the advice offered to us which suits our tastes and convenience and reject the rest as impraticable and unrealistic and so on.  In other words, each one is his own best judge and whatever they may outwardly pretend, ultimately each one resorts to his own views on any given problem. They say, two brains are better than one but in actual practice we find as far as my problems are concerned my own brain is better-suited to find a solution than anybody elses.  It may so happen sometimes that we may not heed our own conscience and listen to the friend in us and as that is all our own making, there is no running away from it and so let us face it.