Pasuram 9.4.4

Tamil text and transliteration:

உறுவது இதுஎன்று உனக்கு ஆள்பட்டு நின்கண்
பெறுவது எதுகொல்என்று பேதையேன் நெஞ்சம்
மறுகல்செய்யும் வானவர் தானவர்க்கு என்றும்
அறிவதுஅரிய அரியாய அம்மானே!

uṟuvatu itueṉṟu uṉakku āḷpaṭṭu niṉkaṇ
peṟuvatu etukoleṉṟu pētaiyēṉ neñcam
maṟukalceyyum vāṉavar tāṉavarkku eṉṟum
aṟivatuariya ariyāya ammāṉē!

English translation of verse 9.4.4:

Oh, Lord Ari, none can ever aver what you are,
This vassal knows not what for him is in store,
Whether he will attain and serve You for ever
Or be caught in the vortex of worldly life,
My ignorant mind is indeed in a state of strife.

Notes:

(i) When one submits to the Lord’s protection, true to one’s essential nature of exclusive dependence on the Lord one has indeed to resign oneself to His good grace and benign will, without casting doubts of any kind on His dispensation. It should indeed be left to the Lord’s sweet will and discretion to deal with us in any manner He deems fit and feasible. And yet, the Āḻvār feels agitated whether the Lord would at all be pleased to bless him with eternal service unto Him in close proximity or still keep him on, in the bondage of ‘Saṃsāra’. The Āḻvār’s misery is all the more poignant, he being right in the vanguard of ‘Prapannas’, whose firm conviction it is, that the Lord is their Sole Sustainer on whom they are totally dependent. It is the exuberance of God-love, which induces such frightful misgivings in the Āḻvār, despite his firm faith in the Lord and his awareness of this prima facie contradiction, between conviction and conduct, only goes to augment his misery.

(ii) When questioned by the Lord as to why he allowed himself to be haunted by such fears, the Āḻvār observes that neither he Devas nor the Asuras could comprehend His true nature and manner of dispensation and it was just possible that the Lord had put bin also on the same footing.