On Obesity

In the beginning things were large. In ancient times all objects including man were of generous proportions. Take any monument in the world worth its name that has stood the test of time you will note that it is characterised by its dominating dimensions. The desert wonders, the Pyramids of Egypt; the marble marvel, the Taj of India; the Statue of Liberty of America, the Peace Statue of Japan are all large structures. You will agree with me, dear reader that life’s perfection is observed in the largeness of things.

It is no exaggeration when I say that there is a definite grace in being large sized that is, in being obese. Obesity, like virtue is a gift from the gods. Not all are obese or can be. One cannot grow obese, however much one tries, if one is not ordained to be so. Dear reader, if you are one of the blessed few who are obese, remain so happily. Be proud and merry for being obese. Never try to slim down into a reed. It amounts to sacrilege. It must have been in a depressed state of mind that the poet blurted out that perfection can be seen in small proportions.

Language, the vehicle of expression, has nothing but contempt for the non-obese. Look at the words ‘lean’, ‘lank’, ‘thin’, ‘small’ etc...They are all monosyllabic mice of hungry words. Now look at these words ‘rotund’, ‘plump’, ‘stout’, ‘obese’. Pronounce them. They fill your mouth and heart with gladness. They carry an imperial dignity about them. They make you feel big. Incidentally, the word ‘big’, dear reader, though a monosyllable itself, has an inexplicable bigness about it as its cousin ‘fat’ has a jolly fatness about it.

Plump people are jovial people. There is happiness in their eyes, love in their looks, peace in their hearts, gentleness in their thoughts and laughter in their presence. Villany is not in their veins, treachery is not in their souls. Every pore of these pious beings exudes friendliness and kinship. These jolly jellies are pleasant as plump puddings. They are the minstrels of mirth, rogues that revel in merriment. These living lumps of rolling flesh are soft as down, sweet as sugar and good as gold.

Remember, dear reader, obese people make dependable friends, lively companions, understanding spouses, loving parents, affectionate masters, reliable servants, good teachers and dutious disciples. They are the very picture of contentment. Stable and staid, solid and sure, they know that it is better to be slow and steady than run and ruin. It is in such qualities as these that their temptation to over­eat are offset and balanced. The obese people give to life a mass and a volume, a meaning and a fulness, a breadth of vision and a sense of well-being with their darling dimensions.

The fun and frolic of Falstaff would have fallen flat had he not been a ‘ton of a man’, generous in proportions and fond of sack and sugar. The men of his goodly race are masters of wit and humour. ‘Full of wise saws and modern instances’ the people of his ilk are ever young in spirit. They drive away gloom and usher in gladness. ‘Larding the lean earth’ with their fair round bellies and cheesy cheeks they poke fun at others and can receive jibes in good humour. They know that their flesh is their frailty and so wisely advocate that ‘discretion is the better part of valour’. The secret of their success lies in their weakness. That is their strength.

Lean men never make any impact on the world. If any, it is negative. They are noted for qualities that are to be despised. The bard of Stratford-on-Avon has warned us already. “Yond Cassius has a lean and hungry look. He thinks too much, such men are dangerous”. And again “he loves no music as thou dost, Antony, he seldom smiles…such men as he be never at heart’s ease whilst they behold a greater than themselves; and therefore are they dangerous”.

Dear reader, if there should be prosperity, peace, plenty and happiness in the world, we should encourage obesity. Medical men have a sacred duty in this regard to humanity. They should discourage the use of potions that reduce men and women into wiry and vily beings. The State should recognise the significance and importance of obesity and strike medals and issue stamps in honour of these stout hearts. The wittiest, the wisest and the kindest of mankind have been these big bums and buxom belles. Let us give them power, make them Prime Ministers and Presidents. Then peace will prevail in the world. Mr. Pumpkin and Lady Pumpkin, bursting at seems, with their brood of bonny babies are the crying need of the hour if mankind should survive and keep going.