Encounter with Absolute

SYED MUKARRAM
Jawahar Bharati, Kavali

Art thou there?
The Absolute, The Eternity.

Who is He? The most merciful and the beneficent. The unseen silent listener. The origin I don’t know. I do not need Him, for I wake up in his belief.

...Yet I know my responsibility. Nobody never questioned my existence and asked me to neglect my duties. The truthful and duty-minded never delved themselves deep into this affair. My burden is mine. The non-existent concept may be a non-existent one, but still I believe to exist in the non-existent and try to lessen the heavy burden of my soul. May it be my own mean circular motion around the non-existent.

He is burdened with my heaviness and ready to purge me. Still my soul aches. Then why should I try to increase the sinful load? Is it a simple digestion of my sins? This third one who is burdened is the first for me. If the second one feels this, the burden will be taken away by the first. If this truth is realized at all, at all the levels of consciousness, it cannot be an illusion but a satisfaction.

You may be very great. The romantic individualism may be there. The whole world may be at your command. Nature itself may bow down before you...Can I say that you are this and that? In what state can I reveal this?

A long tale without the beginning and the end. A book with the first and last pages torn. I don’t know the story. I am still wandering in the middle. I want to realize this fact. I want to do something. Something must be done. What is it? It may be a hope, a desire. I am nothing but that hope. But I know that I am not what I am. My heart is now in utter drought. There is vacuum. This must be filled up. My attempt is just to fill this up. Something must be done. What ought to do? What ought not do? This constant questioning burdened my mind without an answer.
                        “Chaitanya mirye” *

I am what I am not. I am still gaping at myself. I want to establish communion with what I am not, just to know myself or realize what I am. A continuous quest I make.....the result.....

What I am not is the consciousness. With this little conscious­ness I will find a way into that universal consciousness. The con­sciousness is supreme and complete also. The whole movable and immovable world with all its mass reveal the structurality of that consciousness. If I fail to realize myself or the Truth, for that matter anything, it only reflects my own ignorance. That conscious­ness is responsible for the cosmic music, the ontological base for the five elements. It is the creative force. Some may call it an “illusion.” Some may consider it to be the natural phenomenon. One may theorize it as a general rule or as part of a religion or interpret it in various ways as the things seen.

When I don’t know about myself, how can I say I am what I am? I am not aware of my birth. I came to know of name only when others began to call me with a name. So I assert that I am what I am not. So someone must be there as the origin of this force. That force must be the Omnipotent, Omnisient and Omnipresent. So that force must be the supreme consciousness. There is no need for Him to gaze at Himself because He is complete. So He gazed at others. He is the first.

My quest is always with myself, that is with what I am not. I do what all I believe to be good. I can’t broadly categorize things and present them in a nutshell. If I attempt the meanings may change and themes may differ. It goes beyond my “state”. My endeavour is to reach that “state.” What “state” begins at the trial’s end? In that beginning is our end. It is above time and beyond time.

Then I have no desire and no drought, but a complete exaltation, feeling the completeness. The reason is the simple belief in the existence of a force guiding me and directing me always to the goal........not an illusion but a reality.

With some additions and explanations,

“Thou art there
The Eternal and the Absolute.”

* Tadaksharamidam sarvam tasyopa vyakhyanam, bhutam, bhavitbhavishyati Sarvam chaitanyameva.