Drastic Malady: Desperate Remedy

As the curtain rises, the sit-out in the house of Prof. Rama Rao, he sits upright reading a book holding it at the eye level. Flower pots, garden chairs and a cane basket swing are seen in the sit-out. The social worker Srihari, fair and short, the man in white, walks in, a white sling-bag hanging from his shoulder. The grandfather wall clock strikes five in the drawing room.

Srihari: Good evening Rama Rao garu.

Rama Rao: Very good evening. Bahukala darshanam. Well, even if Lord Sri Hari himself materializes before me now, I will not bow my head to him in reverence (He smiles). Please be seated.

Srihari looks puzzled and sits.

Rama Rao: (Turns his body waist upwards towards Srihari.) Didn’t you get me Mr. Hari?

Srihari smiles with a vague expression on his face.

Srihari: You don’t look well, I am afraid.

Rama Rao: Yes, I am not well. I haven’t been well for more than a month and a half. I am a stiff-necked fellow now.

Srihari: You must have sprained your neck in sleep. It will set itself right in a couple of days.

Rama Rao: Nothing of that sort. This is something different. My neck went stiff twenty five days ago. By the by, I have decided to start the C.G.S.A. shortly.

Srihari: CGSA? What is it?

Rama Rao: It stands for Chikun Gunya Sufferers’ Association. I am going to enroll all sufferers of this strange disease from our colony as members. I will be the President. My wife will be the Secretary. You will be the Treasurer. The membership fee is Rs.l00/- a month. Donations also are welcome.

Srihari: Your proposal sounds interesting. What are the objectives?

Mr. Giri enters limping.

Rama Rao: Welcome Mr. Giri, I see you after a long time. How are you?

Giri: Don’t you see me limping? I was down with Chikun Gunya or whatever itis called and have barely recovered. My right leg is swollen and the knee joint pains a lot. My left leg has lost its sensation. Sometimes I have to drag my leg. My right shoulder has gone stiff. I ventured out to-day after an internship of four weeks of boredom at home. Anyway what is this ailment? No one seems to have any idea about it, not even the scientists or doctors.

Rama Rao: Whatever the cause or the origin of this disease, I am happy to state that you are going to be the first member of my C.G.S.A.

Giri: Happy! CGSA? What are you talking about?

Srihari: Mr. Rama Rao is starting an association of Chikun Gunya Sufferers and you have the credit of being enrolled as the first member.

Rama Rao: C.G.S.A. is an association of the infirm, by the infirm and for the infirm suffering from Chikun Gunya. That is it.

Giri: What are we supposed to do as members, infirm as we are?

Rama Rao: I was about to spell out the objectives and its activities to Srihari just before your arrival. But here comes our second member, Mr. Murthy.

Mr. Murthy aged about fifty walks in holding an aluminum handstick. He is a heavy-set man. He crashes into a chair with a thud, hitting Rama Rao on his neck with his handstick in the process. Rama Rao yells in pain.

Murthy: I am sorry Rama Rao, I lost balance and the hand-stick slipped from my hand. You see, the earth’s gravity pulls us down, heavy weights as we are. Moreover this Gunya has eaten into my bones, muscles and nerves. I feel terribly enervated.

Rama Rao: I understand your problem. That is why I am enrolling you as the second member of my C.G.S.A. Congrats.

Murthy: CGSA What is it? Is it any institution?

Rama Rao: I am coming to that. You see it is,,,,

Ms. Lakshmi Bai, a family friend of the Rao’s walks in slowly with a wobbling gait, swaying sideways. Her feet and hands are swollen.

Rama Rao: Come, Come, Lakshmi garu. I am glad to see you. Here are two members of my CGSA. You are the third member. I am glad the membership is swelling.

Lakshmi Bai: I am already a member of the Ladies Club to which I never go. Why this new membership about which I know nothing?

She walks away from the chairs towards the cane swing to the surprise of others.

Lakshmi Bai: O! O! what is this? I am moving towards the swing! I want to go in to meet Tulasi, your wife. Oh god! I feel I have lost the sense of direction!

Srihari: Ranma Rao garu, there seems to be no co-ordination between her brain and body!!

Rama Rao: That is why I want you to be a member of my CGSA, Lakshmi Garu. I have planned an association of all the sufferers of Chikun Gunya to help them. You are a C.G. sufferer. So you are a member of my association. Membership fee only hundred rupees a month. Donations are also accepted. Just be seated.

Ms. Tulasi enters holding tea things in a tray, balancing the tray on the palm of her right hand. She walks with deliberate steps taking support of the wall and the chairs with the other hand.

Lakshmi Bai: Look at the plight of Tulasi. She takes the help of the walls, tables and chairs to move about in her house. What are the doctors doing? What is the government doing? I heard that the government says that there are no cases of C.G. at all in the state.

There is silence for a while as they all sip tea. A boy aged about ten rushes in and runs towards Rama Rao.

The Boy: Uncle! My father who has been running fever for five days suddenly started talking in a language unknown to us. About an hour ago he swallowed all the tablets given by the doctor in one gulp. Mother wants you to visit our house at once.

Rama Rao: Ganesh! tell your mother not to worry. I will come by and by. In the meanwhile I will send Mr. Srihari to your house (Turns to Srihari with an effort as before). Srihari garu, please go to my next-door-neighbour, Sharma and give comfort to his people and send for their doctor.

Srihari goes out with the boy.

Lakshmi Bai: I wonder how this devil of a disease entered our state to trouble us.

Giri: Some say it is due to an air-borne virus. Some others say it is caused by a mosquito which bites only in the day time.

Murthy: I read in the papers that the health minister has asked the citizens to kill the mosquitoes on a war footing. “Each one kill one” was the slogan he gave to the people.

Giri: Like the “Each one teach one” slogan of the Adult Education Department which did not work.

There is laughter in the sit-out.

Murthy: Any way, why should we panic? Did not the C.M., himself a doctor, say that it is not a dangerous fever and that no one will die of it? Let us not bother where from it came, from Ghana or New Guinea, from Timbuktu or Tashkent or even from the terrorists. What more assurance is required? He is the C.M. of the state ruled by God. Moreover the Health Minister’s wife is hale and hearty after an attack of C.G. We are in God’s Kingdom. He will take care of His subjects.

Rama Rao: God or no God, let us do our bit. Let us not worry whether it is caused by a virus, a mosquito, a fowl, a pig, a donkey, a monkey, a man or a dog. If we help ourselves, God will help us. That is the reason why I decided to start this CGS Association. Tomorrow I am going to convene a meeting at the Community Hall and invite all the residents of our colony. We will raise a corpus fund with the membership fee and the donations. Let us enlist student volunteers to distribute pamphlets in their leisure time to educate the poor and the common man about hygiene and other aspects. Let us take the help of doctors of our colony and ask them to treat patients free at scheduled hours at the Community Hall. You and I can go to corporate hospitals. But what about the poor? I am depositing now my contribution of Rs. 1,000/- to start with.

Srihari returns and informs that Mr. Sharma had calmed down and is resting and that the doctor was sent for. As the other members gathered there make their contributions to Rama Rao, Mr. Subba Rao walks in with a beaming face and broad smile, looking triumphant.

Rama Rao: Hello Mr. Subba Rao! What a surprise to see you so healthy and smiling! I knew you were down with C.G. and were bed-ridden for fifteen days.

Subba Rao: Yes, that was true. But that is not so any longer. I succeeded where the doctors failed.

Murthy: What do you mean? Explain to us clearly what you say.

Subba Rao: You know that no system of medicine has a cure for this disease. I thought over it deeply and hit upon an idea which flashed across my mind the other day and cured myself.

Giri and Others: Do tell us quickly how you cured yourself.

Subba Rao: I went to Hakim and took from him a potion from his Unani system. Then met an Ayurvedic physician and collected herbal oils, bhasmas and lehyas and made a kashayam with the ingredients. Then met my homeopath who gave me two bottles of pills. I took a handful of Crocin tablets and half a dozen tabs of a powerful pain killer, pounded them into powder and poured the homeo pills and the allopathic powder into the Ayurvedic Kashayam and the Unani potion, boiled them in a copper vessel for half an hour. I allowed it to cool and consumed a spoonful of this concotion three times a day after food three days ago. On the second day the fever and pains disappeared. This is the third day. I feel fit as a fiddle! I am fighting fit now!! No pains, no fever, no swellings, no this, no that, no nothing! (He stands in a posture as one who learns karate, jumps and cries ‘hoo! ha!!)
Others together: Fantastic! Incredible!! Unbelievable!!!

The curtain falls as Rama Rao and others stand open mouthed in disbelief. The grandfather wall clock strikes six.

‘The author himself is a patient of Chikan Gunya’        –Editor