Of Being Proudly Ashamed

Kuppli Padma

“And when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree to be desired to make one wise, she took the fruit there of and did eat and gave also unto her husband with her; and he did eat.

“And the eyes of them both were opened and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves aprons.”
(Genesis. 3: 6, 7)

We Women!

Marvellous creatures!

Beauty is our lives!

Build a prison for us. We will wash it clean and lay pretty patterns on the floor.

Give us a twisted thread. We will dab it with turmeric paste and do puja to it.

Drape iron curtains between us and our happiness. We will stitch frills and decorate them.

Give us as much misery as you can. We will create a beauty out of it.

Aren’t human relations our empire? The home our Heaven? And, the body our sole possession?

However narrow is our stage, we will make it wide enough.

The whole vast world is yours. But, see how narrow are you minds!

You have kept with yourself the incomparable valour, and the mighty toughness, and gave us as our share, the tenderness, the sensitivity and the delicateness.

Though the division was unequal and unjust, we have reared with love what has fallen to our lot. We stitched up pieces of coloured cloth and laces on it endearingly.

True, we now dispute all this sharing.

We are questioning these divisions and the cages made by you and the very systems of this society. And are dreaming of getting transformed into new human beings.

But do you know that we carry along with us on this new journey, all the skills and techniques acquired and preserved from you-in all the meanest, most miserable and highly detestable slavery of bygone times?

Do you realise that when your magnanimity, valour and manliness fall flat, pale-faced, under the very feet of the new world being created by you, we are forging ahead like double-edged swords? Does it occur to you that while we are entering the man’s world, without ourselves becoming men, we intend filling the whole world with feminine grace?

Even while we are set to conquer your world, the charms, the guiles, the coquetry and the coyness, which you inflicted on us and made fun of, are accompanying us. Do you understand that?

Sarcastically you may say, “When a woman says one thing, she means another.” But the male dictionary has always double entendre for the features, the physical attributes and the movements and the expressions of women. Every thing that adds to the beauty or fits in with feminity are mean and lowly in your eyes; that is society’s.

SHAME:

The shamefulness felt by men is related to the sociological conditions. They have no sense of shame about their bodies or the biological needs. Even if they do, it is circumscribed by embarrassment and norms of civilised behaviour.

The shame we experience is very largely personal. This personalised shame is imposed on us by the society. Not only the sense of shame due to inhibitions or the physical and biological reasons, the values of virginity and chastity are intricately entwined with it.

The sense of shame felt by Dharmaraj, when his wife, whom he staked and lost, was being dishonoured and he had to hang his head in righteous helplessness; or, that of Rama, who was unable to look into the eyes of Sita and tell her why she was being banished into the deep woods; or the shame felt by the numerous legendary and historical figures who succumbed to selfishness or fear or temptation or jealousy and inflicted injustices on the people. We are not familiar with this type of shamefulness.

They have manly tasks to perform, great things to do in their lives and that of society’s. Obligations to be fulfilled which they only can.

And they feel mighty ashamed on every single occasion they are unable to succeed.

We do not have that opportunity at all!

What are the great achievements that this society can expect of us? No need to build empires. No need to write down the scriptures. Not necessary to establish any golden era or a heavenly society.

None at all. That is why we do not have any failures that we can be ashamed of on a level that a man can.

What do history and the society expect from us?

To protect the purity of blood of the male descendants and thus ensure uninterrupted hereditary rights; to become mothers in order to raise children and bring them up as men and women; and to fantasise every slavish relationship as something great! Except these, there are no other failures in the eyes of the society for us to be shamed of.

But we do feel ashamed at times, when overcome by extreme happiness or uncontrollable pride.

Alas, man can never aspire to do that!

Of course, one has to get rid of the sense of shame concerning the demands of the body or physical needs and desires;

But – ­

When the great experience of joy or victory achieved or about to be achieved is so irrepressible that it overflows into the eyes; or

When a subtle thought of the mind is caught by the eye; or

When a small demand is whispered into the ear;

To look down, unable to look into the eyes of your dear friend,

That is a virtue to be retained.

How infinitely greater are the looks of the heavy, half-closed eyes that proclaim the union of the body and mind as some festival and glorifies that ancient union as a civilised, delicate, human relationship, compared to the shameless, naked looks of man into the far, inner corners of the body, eyes filled with atrociously crude lust, unable to distinguish between desire and revenge, even while the sheer joy is within one’s own reach?

Friend!

You need not learn afresh how to bow your head in shame, when we convincingly prove how inhuman were the marks left by you on this world for generations together;

But, can’t you learn from now itself to bow with humility and ecstacy, when after making a man out of you, and having given you half the throne with feminine generosity, when we look with love, grief and desire into your eyes that have been rid of male chauvinism?

(Translated from Telugu by Vemaraju Narasimha Rao)