Rajaji’s Sense of Humour

Of the many qualities which Rajaji possessed, the dominating one was his subtle sense of humour. His humour was pleasant, enjoyable, elegant, though at times caustic and ironical. Often Rajaji’s comments were piercingly forthright. His answers were not so simple as they sounded. The ingredients of his humour also varied vastly. Sometimes his humour sparkled, and at times his wit devastated. This is borne out by several anecdotes told by his friends, journalists and authors.

When Rajaji was the Governor of West Bengal, he once visited a hospital. At a certain place on the path, there was an open drain in front. Seeing it, Rajaji asked, “Why has it been kept uncovered? Surely not on hygienic necessity or to carry out some research on sanitation? I can also see a sweeper’s broom on the staircase. Is that kept here to adorn the place?”

He continued, “Some part of the coconut tree, such as the fruits and leaves, are used as decoration at welcomes. But this is a new experience to see the leaves’ ribs (the broom) used to welcome someone.”

Rajaji could make a pun on himself. On talking about his dark glasses he said, “With my rectifying glasses I can see things which are there, but some of my critics say that with my dark glasses I can see even things which are not there!”

Rajaji once visited a zoological garden. When his car drew up at the main gate of the zoo, the authorities were all waiting there to receive him. Rajaji cryptically said, “Why have you all taken the trouble to come here? I have come only to meet the poor creatures who are kept confined here for no fault of theirs.” In the zoo he saw a hippopotamus all alone in a muddy ditch. Rajaji remarked, “What a magnificent specimen of God’s creation! I see, it is a male. But is it a bachelor or a widower?”

When he learnt that its mate had died only recently, Rajaji observed, “That is cruel! Restricted to this artificial home, he should have been given another bride.”

A lady visitor to the Governor’s house asked Rajaji pointing towards an ancient gun mounted on a platform, “Why don’t you get those relics removed? In the changed order of things they seem to be quite out of place here.” The Governor replied, “I am only a non-paying tenant in this house. Those who now control these properties may not perhaps like to dismantle the signposts of history with the sweep of a pen. You do not seem to be satisfied with the restoration of the country’s independence. You should allow some time for the scabs and scales of the old disease to falloff. If you know the disease is cured, why get impatient with those little ugly scars?”

Once Rajaji asked Gandhiji, why he did not care to stay with him at the Governor’s House. “That house is much too big for me,” replied Gandhiji.

Mr. Suhrawardy, who was sitting near-by, said, “The Mahatma likes to live with the people. He has no fascination for palaces.”

“That was why he was put up in the Aga Khan’s palace!” twitted Rajaji.

Once Rajaji went to see Gandhiji and found that his camp was surrounded by a huge crowd of people, blocking the approaches, and also some policemen. Rajaji remarked, “poor Mahatma! A prisoner in freedom. Worse than me!”

Once Rajaji had gone to see a football match. During the game’s interval a number of people came forward to have a closer look at him. Looking at them, Rajaji said, “They have all come to see the non-playing star.”

Once Rajaji visited a residential school. He also visited its sick-room. He asked the sister-in-charge of the sick-room what were the illnesses that the boys usually suffered from. He was told that the common ailments were cough, cold, cuts, sprains and minor injuries. Out of politeness the Rector asked Rajaji to suggest a way to reduce the incidents of these ailments. Rajaji said, “I shan’t give out the solution, for that would be interfering with professional matters. But if you want me to drop a hint, then, I would say that the sister should lose some of her attractiveness.

Rajaji accompanied by the Rector went to have tea with the Rector and his wife. At the cottage Rajaji was conducted to a cosy room where a strong woodfire was blazing.

“Very good,” exclaimed Rajaji, “this is not going to be a cold reception?”

When the Rector said that the fire was his wife’s idea, Rajaji remarked, “As may be expected of the Rector of a Rector!” When he saw too many eatables–pastries, biscuits, sandwiches, fruits and nuts, spread around him on small tables he said, “You make me uncharitably prominent with this enormous collection of food. This must be your idea. The Rector unrectified!”

Rajaji once visited a dairy and was requested to taste a glass of it. Rajaji thanked them and said, “I have had enough calories for the day. Better give my share to some deserving person, and if there is no such person in this group, then give it to a calf whose mother is drying up.”

Once Monica Felton, author of the famous book, I Meet Rajaji, was sitting with C. R. when two Americans, Molly and Richard, came to see him. They had come to India on a holiday. He asked them: “Have you seen Mahabalipuram?”

“Yes, we were there yesterday.”

“And, I suppose,” Rajaji said, “that you were told there are two historic relics in Madras that every tourist should see and that you ought not miss the ancient monument in this house either?”

Once Rajaji met Mrs. Naidu after the stormy session of the AICC which discussed the question of removal of Netaji Subhas Bose from the presidentship of the Congress. It may be remembered that Subhas Bose had won in the face of opposition from Gandhiji and defeated his opponent, Dr. Pattabhi Sitaramayya. Mrs. Sarojini Naidu was a strong staunch critic of Netaji and she had vehemently lashed out at Bose, forcing him to accept the leadership of Gandhi. Rajaji complimented Mrs. Naidu on this “You performed today as Mrs. Herculean task.”

When Rajaji was Premier of Madras, he wanted to bring in some measure to reduce the indebtedness of the masses and to free them from the clutches of moneylenders. During a discussion in the State Legislature, an opposition member advised Rajaji to collect statistics of indebtedness of the masses before bringing in his proposed Bill. Rajaji replied: “If my friend troubled by mosquitoes, wants to go in for a mosquito-curtain, he will certainly not take a census of mosquitoes and their proportion of distribution between Mylapore and George Town.”

While inaugurating the Swatantra party formally at a function in Bombay in August 1959, Rajaji invoked the blessings of God at the end of his speech. A few days later, at a press conference, Nehru remarked: “They have even made God a senior partner of the party. They are here, not dealing with politics and economics, but with stratosphere, with the Almighty presiding over their destinies.”

To this Rajaji retorted: “As for his taunts about partnership with God, the Prime Minister has stumbled on the cardinal religious doctrine of the Divine presence in trying to mock at us.”

When Rajaji was the Home Minister, he was in favour of accepting some recommendations presented before the Foreign Affairs Committee of the Central Cabinet. These were not liked by Nehru and some other members of the Committee. Rajaji pleaded in vain for the acceptance of the recommendations. When he concluded, Nehru observed, in a lighter vein: “You see, Rajaji, the majority is with me.” Rajaji grinned and said: “Yes, Jawaharlal, the majority is with you, but logic is with me.”

Once Rajaji was travelling with an Englishman by train on a very hot day. The Englishman told Rajaji: “It’s a very hot afternoon.”

“Not hot enough,” replied Rajaji.

“Not hot enough! What do you mean?” The Englishman asked, with a slight edge to his voice.

“Not hot enough,” said Rajaji smiling, “to keep you gentlemen out of our country.”

Rajaji once visited a piggery and asked if the pigs were artificially fed or allowed a free feed of their choice in the open.

“They are all cereal-fed,” answered the Manager, “and their movements are absolutely restricted. They of course sun in the open under supervision.”

“Then they will have a sympathetic visitor in me,” said Rajaji.

On a chilly afternoon Rajaji once journeyed a long way on a hill station, to visit a well-known ‘Home’ established by a reputed Scottish missionary. Receiving him, the head of the institution enquired whether the drive had been comfortable.

“The warmth of your reception, I am sure,” observed Rajaji, “will take away the chill of the evening.”

Rajaji once saw a flock of sheep bringing down big bundles of wool on their . He said, “This is sheer mockery! I suppose each of those innocent creatures is carrying its own sheared wool.”

Sometimes Rajaji reacted sharply to flattery. At a party, a guest said, “We are lucky in having a politician of your calibre as the Governor of this province.” Rajaji retorted, “I can assure you that I have not so far done anything which should make you feel happy. If you say that in appreciation of my past performances, then obviously you are exaggerating. And if you say that to flatter me, then you are only deceiving yourself.” When he was told that the gentleman must be feeling hurt, “Did I drop a brick?”

During the Second World War, there was the threat of a Japanese attack and it was rumoured that Madras would be evacuated. Many senior British officials, with their families, sought the safety of the hills. This provoked Rajaji. He twitted: “Are the King and the Queen and members of the British Cabinet running away from London with only 20 miles of the English Channel separating them from the marching hordes of Hitler?”

His humour helped him to face hostile mobs. Rajaji had gone to Bombay to attend the AICC Session held there on August 8-9, 1942, to discuss and decide on Gandhiji’s Quit India call. Once in a meeting at Bombay he was greeted by cat calls and shouts of “Rajaji go ”. Not only this, a demonstrator hurled at him, with unerring aim, a tar filled paper ball. The ball burst, smearing Rajaji’s face with tar. It trickled down and douched his khadi clothes too.

Rajaji unmoved went to the dias and said: “Friends, let us, first of all, congratulate the young man who threw tar at me with such perfect aim. He disagrees with me. Endowed with courage of conviction, he naturally wanted to give expression to it. Today, India sorely needs more such bold young men with grit and determination.”

At another occasion when a stone thrown by some miscreant missed him, Rajaji said, “I know that the young man who was throwing the stone cannot aim properly. If he is a good marksman, he could have found a place in the police department and risen very high.”

Sir T. Vijayaraghavachari, one of Rajaji’s dear friends, sometimes pulled the legs of Rajaji. Once he told Bimanesh Chatterjee, Rajaji’s Military Secretary, in Rajaji’s presence, “I am glad you are surviving my friend’s contact. He is known to be an exacting master, but what is bewildering about him is that, acting on an Alternating Current, he attracts one by his sincerity and humour, but the next moment he repels you by his taciturnity and abrupt ways. So, with him one does not really know whether one is coming or going. You seem to have got steady in his sphere.” There was no sign of irritation on Rajaji’s face. He simply said, “Don’t be childish.”

Once Sir T. Vijayaraghavachari told Rajaji that his memory is failing him.

“Let me finish,” retorted Rajaji. “Memory is not absolutely essential in the office of the Governor-General. The Prime Minister serves me as my brain.”

Rajaji seemed to enjoy his friend’s rattle. He looked intensely amused when Sir T. V. asked Bimanesh Chatterjee if he knew what the letter “C” in the Governor-General’s initials stood for; Before he could say “Chakravarti”, Rajaji broke into laughter and said, “Childish.”

“You see, our Governor-General is trying to confuse us,” intervened Sir T. V. “It is neither Childish, nor Charming, It could be Clever, but many of his friends say that the ‘C’ stands for ‘Cynic’.”

Passing an ancient gun mounted on a platform, Rajaji said, “I prayerfully wish that all these monuments of might, these symbols of destruction, could be put up in some less conspicuous place. And if they must adorn the residences of the Governors then their barrels could be pointed towards the house and not towards the people.”

A gentleman remarked from the rear, “That is very true, Your Excellency. These guns are incompatible with the philosophy of non-violence.”

Hardly had he completed his sentence, Rajaji snapped , “A country cannot be governed by the weapons of non-violence if the people continue to carry their aggressiveness of mind. Leave aside the Defence Services and the police, as long as young volunteers feel the need of sticks to control a crowd, I tell you, we will not be deemed to have developed that sense of orderliness which is implicit in Ahimsa.”

pointing his stick at an orderly who was trying to push his way about, Rajaji said, causing a burst of laughter “There you see violence in its simple physical form, and I am sure you will not be surprised if I say that this guilty person serves me my daily food.”

Rajaji was coming to Delhi by air. As the aircraft was approaching Delhi, a dust storm had just swept over Palam airport. The co-pilot informed him that the arrangements for the VIP reception at the airport had to be freshly drawn up as they had been badly dislocated by the dust winds.

The word VIP set off a humourous interlude. Rajaji said with an innocent look. “The trouble is that I am only a Very Innocent Person.” Not familiar with Rajaji’s ways, the Squadron-Leader said, “But sir, this a VIP aircraft.”

Rajaji added, “I see, the Vahan (carrier) is mightier than the God. No wonder the peripatetic bulls of Calcutta or elsewhere receive such attention and adoration from the public, when the countless Siva temples continue to decay for want of minimus attention.”

Profulla Chandra Ghosh, former Chief Minister of West Bengal, has narrated an interesting incident depicting Rajaji’s sense of humour. He along with Acharya Prafulla Chandra Ray was proceeding to Kakinada to attend the Congress session. When they boarded the train at Vijayawada for their journey to Kakinada, Rajaji was the lone passenger in the compartment. On spotting him out, Acharya Prafulla Chandra Ray turned to his companion and said: “Frail, fragile, frame.” Immediately Rajaji said: “Leading to the fourth F-failure.”

Rajaji was a staunch supporter of removal of untouchability. At an A. I. C. C. session someone asked him, “Must we touch every scavenger in filthy clothes? Would you do it yourself?” Rajaji replied: “I would not mind touching even you, my friend. But that does not mean that I must stop to touch every scavenger that passes by.”

Shri Pyarelal, who was Gandhiji’s Private Secretary, has also narrated an anecdote which shows Rajaji’s wit. He states: “Once I had an exquisite experience. He had mentioned to me a very long South Indian name with three letter initials, indicating the place of birth, father’s name, caste, etc., of the person concerned as it is common in the South – e. g., K. A. S. Subramaniam (Kaveripatnam Appaswamy Shankara Subramaniam). “Let me call a stenographer,” I quipped, as he began to spell it out in full. Ignoring my remark, he quietly changed the topic. After a little while, he asked innocently: “What’s Hakim Sahib’s name?”

“Hakim Ajmal Khan,” I replied. “Why, what’s the matter?

“No,” he persisted, “How do they refer to him at a public meeting?”

It was customary in those early non-co-operation days in the Punjab to confer elaborate honorific titles on national leaders. Hakim Ajmal Khan had been exalted as a Masiha-ul-Mulk, Hazal- Hazal-u-Hakim, Hakim Ajmal Khan Saheb. The moment I began, Rajaji sprang to the kill for which he had been long waiting. “Stop, let me call a stenographer!” he cut in with a grin and twinkle.

Rajaji as Governor and later as Governor-General had to throw numerous parties. Sometimes it became difficult to cater to the tastes of hundreds of guests. Once a guest had asked for a glass of milk at the end of his dinner, as he was accustomed to that habit. Rajaji asked, “Is he hoping to be provided with a bed also after dinner?” Once a guest had enquired from an attendant whether pure ghee or vegetable fat was used for a particular preparation. Learning this, Rajaji wanted to know whether the guest had enquired if the ghee was made from home-made butter, and whether the butter was extracted from the milk of a black cow.

Dr B. C. Roy, the Chief Minister of West Bengal, was being escorted across the gardens of the Rashtrapathi Bhavan. The Chief Minister looked around and inhis usual full-throated voice asked, “What is this–a garden or a cemetery?” Seeing Rajaji approaching, Dr Roy said, “Rajaji, I had not seen this garden closely. Its lay-out seems very much like that of a well-kept cemetery.” “Now, don’t tell that to anybody else,” said Rajaji. “There are talks going on about converting this place to one thing or the other. Your suggestion, though nice, would add to the prevailing confusion.”

Dr Roy asked him if he was really relinquishing his office of Governor-General, “The office itself is getting liquidated,” said Rajaji. “So there is no way out but to relinquish.” “But your services cannot be dispensed with, now,” said Dr Roy. “I am sure they are not going to put you in the cupboard.” “I am ignorant about the technicalities of a dispensary,” remarked Rajaji. “On the question of dispensing, therefore, they might perhaps consult my distinguished doctor friend. I only hope that the cup-board in which they place me would be labelled ‘Poison’.”

Once the Governor-General went to see one of his relatives in a private car. On his return his car was stopped at the gate. The armed guard at the gate did not allow the Governor-General’s car to enter. The plain-clothed ADC told the sentry that the car was carrying the Governor-General; but he continued to challenge the car with his fixed bayonet. One of the guards repeatedly flashed his torchlight at Rajaji in an attempt to identify him, while Rajaji calmly reclined in the corner of the rear seat till the security officer reached the scene and recognized Rajaji and opened the gate.

On this incident Rajaji only commented: “Those poor fellows were only trying to be extra-cautious in discharging their duties. I should have used a Government House car. However, the drama was not altogether uninteresting, except for the fact that a silly man was trying to dramatise the scene all the more by playing his powerful spotlight on my eyes.”

At a luncheon party one of the guests asked Rajaji if he did not feel tired flying long distances. Rajaji’s immediate reply was, “Not so much as I do replying to short questions.”

Once Rajaji was conducting a meeting. An officer, who was missing his tobacco very badly, asked for Rajaji’s permission to smoke. Rajaji told him, “Yes, yes, you have my permission to smoke. Anyway the deliberations of this meeting are going to end in smoke.”

The humour of Rajaji was constant and contagious. It was charged with warmth for his fellow-beings. This itwas that kept him young right till the end.