Acid Test

ACID TEST
(A Short Story)

 

DHANIKONDA HANUMANTA RAO

Translated from the original in Telugu by D. VENKATA RAO
Lecturer, M. R. Training College, Vizianagram

(1)

Madhu wondered who wanted to see him at the dead of night and said, “Who is it?”

There was no reply but were two more knocks. Madhu got up cursing everyone; switched on the light and opened the doors. He was surprised to see Sri Devi. He robbed his eyes and again looked at her with fully opened eyes. She leaned herself against the door side and sighed heavily. The face was red, eyes flushed and the hair dishevelled. It struck him that she was in great trouble and was tortured by a difficult problem. The very same evening she talked to him very pleasantly and sprightly. What danger afflicted her within those two hours since they met?

“Who? Sri….?” said Madhu full of surprise.

“Yes,” she said heavily.

“What is the matter? First, please come in.” Till then it did not occur to him that someone might see them together.

With diffidence she entered the room. She didn’t raise her head even for a moment. Many thoughts whirled in Madhu’s head and he began to have a glimpse of the plausible reasons for her–a virgin to be married shortly–daring to go to his room, though a friend.

He closed the doors and sat by her feet on the carpet and asked with affection, “Sri, what is troubling you?”

She rubbed her eyes with the hem of her sari and continued to look at the floor. Madhu gave her a glass of water and said, “It seems you are very much tired; take this water.”

She drank the water and placed the glass on the table by her side; She looked at Madhu like a wounded deer as if to say, “Don’t you help me in this danger?”

“Sri, won't you tell me what the matter is?” he asked pleadingly.

She stopped for a while and said, “I came to tell you. But….” and looked into his face.

“Why do you hesitate? Don’t you know I will carefully guard your secret?”

“I know Madhu. Tell me, do you love me truly?”

“Why do you talk like this?” he asked patting her hand.

“Will you marry me?”

“I could not persuade you all the while.”

“I could not decide. I decided this night to become your wife.” Madhu was overwhelmed with great happiness.

“I am now a lucky man. My problem which has been worrying me is solved. It is true, can I believe it?”

“Do I lie with you? But”

“Well, why do you hesitate?”

“Will you truly marry me?”

“Yes, I vow.”

“But Madhu, you are carried away by my beauty and our friendship and saying these words.”

“No, no, no. Why do you doubt me?”

“I know your mind. But human beings are fickleminded. This is causing doubts in me.” 

“Tell me why you doubt me.”

“Can you forgive me?”

Failing to understand the note of helplessness in her voice, he said, “Why should I forgive? You are talking queerly.”

“Don’t you forgive me?”

“I don’t have that much power.”

“You have it. I give it to you. When we decide to marry we should see that we don’t suffer in future. Won”t you forgive me?”

He gestured with his head in answer, smiling at her innocence.

“Though the fault on my part is very great...?”

“Yes...”

“Shall I tell you?”

“Don’t hesitate.”

“You may change your mind after hearing my story,”

“Don’t you have faith in me?”

Her face reflected the pain one suffers when telling very dangerous news which breaks the heart of the other man. Once again she looked into his face. He was steady and calm as though to indicate that he was prepared for every thing. She looked down and started to tell her story as though she was not talking.

(2)

“Hari has been as close to me as you. Whenever you two came to my house, we used to spend many evenings pleasantly. For the last four months Hari has been meeting me in your absence. Then I did not doubt his motives.

“One night he came to me at nine and said, ‘Let us go to the picture.’ He said you had headache and could not come. I believed him and we two went to the picture without you. I saw the jutka* going by the beach road and asked him ‘Are we not going to the picture?’

‘Hari smiled. There is much time yet. Let us sit here for a while,’ he said. I did not speak.

“We sat in the sand. The moon was smiling at us. The sea was joyously sending waves to the shore one after the other singing as though nothing that happens in this world concerns it. The moon cast its reflection in the water and said, ‘How beautiful I look.’

“There was a cool breeze. Nature was at its best. Thoughts that never occur to us normally were perhaps working on him as they were on me. When we enjoyed the beauty of the sea and the sky and the moon and the cool breeze–we could see the happiness provided for us by this very nature.

“It might be he saw the thoughts passing through my mind. He looked at me questioningly and smiled. It was not an ordinary one. It was full of meaning and conveyed ideas which we cannot put in so many words.

“All this happiness is being wasted in the presence of the moon,’ he said.

“I wanted to laugh. But I didn’t know how to.

‘What is the fun of wasting youth?’ He said.

“I wondered. He was rousing sensuous feelings in me Queer desires, his beauty, my trembling heart and unexperienced  pleasures rebelled against me and my restraint. Hari placed his hand on mine and pressed it strongly. I shook from head to foot with a pleasant sensation. He looked at me as though he knew what I wanted.

“What are you doing, Hari?” I said collecting my shattered will power. He didn’t reply but pulled me to him. I heard a voice telling me this won’t do. But Hari roused me, led me into the world of lust, blinded me and made me do something which I do not like. I could not resist whatever he did to me. Not that I liked it. At that moment I became a slave to the all-consuming desire and placed my head in the hangman’s noose.

“In the early morning he arranged for a jutka and sent me home. The sea mocked at me. The moon looked as though he was perplexed. Nature laughed at my plight. I didn’t know how I reached home.”

She stopped and wept, wept and wept.

Madhu smiled.

“Have you finished your story?”

She was amazed when she noticed no change in his attitude to her. She stopped for a while and continued.

“There is more Madhu. That beast behaved as though he had nothing to do with me when once his lust was satisfied. I blame myself for that weak moment.”

She stopped, sighed and continued, “Three months passed. This child in me...” she could not proceed overwhelmed with grief.

Consoling her he said, “Why do you weep, Sri?”

“Madhu, I didn’t know him before. I knelt before him and begged him to marry me. He refused. I spoke about his growing child in me. He said he would give me medicines for abortion. He threw me out cruelly. The man who was responsible for my plight refused to forgive me.”

Madhu thought furiously. He gave his word that he would forgive her. Forgiveness! How could he tolerate this wife? But she believed in him; trusting him completely she revealed her greatest secret to him.

Will he reject her now? Why shouldn’t he extend to her his helping hand–to Sri who has no place of her own in this wide world?

“I don’t want to deceive you by becoming your wife without telling you the whole truth. How can I kiss Hari’s child while living with you as your wife? How is it possible for me to hide this? Will you forgive me?”

She wept and wept. For Madhu it has become an acid test. The moments when he longed for her, the promises he made to her and the vows he took–all are uppermost in his mind now.

He took the decision of his life.

“Sri, have you lost your senses? What is there in this to forgive? You think there is something to forgive. Shall I tell you what I will do?”

She raised her pale face panting and looked at him like an accused in a murder trial looks at the judge on the eve of judgment.

“I will marry you only, Sri,” Madhu laughed.

Is he mad? Is it true or is she dreaming? “Me….me,” she was amazed.

“Yes. No one is free from faults and what you call sin. Some pretend, keep their secrets to themselves and suffer; but pretend they are happy. But you confessed to me boldly. You trusted me and placed your whole life at my feet. No one is nearer to me than you who believed in me so completely.”

“Is it true, Madhu?”

“Yes. I can decide for myself. What the world considers as sins I sometimes refuse to view as sins. One should decide for himself what is sin and what is virtue. Forgiveness becomes valuable only when we understand rightly others’ faults. You are my wife, I don’t disrespect you because you have the trust in me which you don’t have in any other one.”

“But what about this growing child within me?” she asked slowly.

“I will keep him. I like children very much. That is your child. I will love it as I love you. I can live my life as If all this has not happened.”

She wept again.

“Sri, why are you weeping?” he asked with divine grace.

“This is not weeping, Madhu. Now I understand. Now I know clearly who is my husband.”

“Please explain.”

“I compared you with Hari and could not decide whom to marry, But now...”

“I don’t understand.”

She smiled and continued.

“Let me tell you. I told the same story to Hari substituting your name to Hari’s. The broadminded man threw me out of his house. Onthe platform he waxes eloquent on love and social revolution, His love of reform and equality are a mere cloak. You came out successful in this acid test.”

Madhu was speechless. After a while he asked, “Then is it all a big lie?”

“Yes. I lied and like an actor I assumed a role and talked as if reciting, But you remained true to your love.”

“Sri, my Sri! Why have you suffered so much for me?”

“No suffering, Madhu, I can live in your shadow for ever.” Smiling, she accepted him as her husband that very minute.

* Horse drawn cart.