Part 4.3 - Other forms of marriage

Apart from the proper forms of marriage, as described above, there are a few other forms for arranging matrimonial relations like re-marriage, levirate, the bhwar paithna and urhari which will be discussed below. So bachelor But there is an Re-marriage is practised both by men and women after either the death or the divorce from the earlier spouse. unlike the case of high-caste Hindus, widow remarriage is common among the Tharus. Usually a widower or a divorced man marries a widow or a divorced woman. This is what happened in the case of Biharilal,a widower of Sukhrwar who married a divorced woman Gongi. But sometimes even an unmarried single girl may marry a man who has already been married; a may marry a woman who is divorced or a widow. age limit for remarriage. Widows or widowers who are considered very old (around fifty or more) do not remarry. Second marriage for a man may be performed by barka bhwaj if it is the first marriage of his bride, or if the man himself is quite young and has no children. Otherwise, the marriage is carried out without any pomp and show or any ritual performance. such cases the compensation is paid, or the promise of its full payment is kept, with a premium of some money paid in In

Tharus of Dang / 215. advance, according to the demand of the previous husband's family. After that, at an auspicious time in the evening, the bride is fetched to her husband in a simple doli (of any colour but not red and bright) without having any floral or colourful designs on it. A simple feast is given to the household-heads of the village and a few relatives of the neighbourhood. The household deities are of ered some liquor. Chotka Chaudhari, the younger brother of the Mahaton of Sewar, whose wife had eloped with another man has now married a divorced wife from Aspari village in the simple form just mentioned above. Tharus also practice levirate. In such cases a man marries his elder brother's widow in a very simple ceremony or even without any ceremony. Bandhu of Sukhrwar village, an old man of around sixty-five, is now living with his elder brother's widow and her children by the elder brother. Thus Bandhu's wife is his ex-sister-in-law (deceased elder brother's wife) whom he has taken as wife. Furthermore he had earlier taken another sister-in-law (the widow of another elder brother), but she expired a few months after taking up with Bandhu. Villagers, except the very old ones, are today ignorant of the fact that Bandhu's wife is the widow of one of his elder brothers. Likewise the children think of Bandhu as their own father. Another form of widow remarriage among Tharus is called bhwar paithna in which the senior members (males and females) of the household choose a new man as husband for their widow daughter-in-law. This man is thus 'adopted' as their own son. In bhwar paithna remarriage the family of the deceased rather than the widow herself takes the initiative, although she is always consulted. Such adoption or remarriage, whatever one may call it, helps to compensate for the loss of the dead person, especially in a family short of man-power. Such a

216/Kailash man becomes the new husband of the widow, enjoying the same social status as well as the same affinal and consanguineal relationship with others, as enjoyed by the first husband. The children born from such a union become bonafide members of the family and the new-born sons get or can claim an equal share of the property, after the partition of the jointfamily, if their father behaves and works honestly for the benefit of that joint-family like other men of the family. In Sukhrwar village, a Tharu named Kamal was adopted as a husband for Kauki, the widowed daughter-in-law of Chotkanwa. Kamal, though born and brought up in Kailali District, had come to Dang valley a few years ago, working from time to time as a junior level technician, in two or three rice mills of Dang. While he was working in the mill at Sukhrwar village, he had met the Chotkanwa family. But though Kamal stayed there for about one year, he could not stay longer, as his health was not sound and he did not like the farm jobs which he had to do. After one year's stay in that family, Kamal left the village for a few weeks. After that he did not return. Chotkanwa's family wondered whether he had died or become seriously ill, as his health was already unsound. But most probably he did not like to join the new family, as he did not like to do the farm-jobs like other members. There is one other marriage custom called urhari (abduction). It happens in a circumstance when the parents of two lovers either do not agree to the marriage or if, for other reasons, the marriage is delayed. The boy with the consent of his beloved abducts the girl to some distance away in one of his relative's or cousin's houses for a few days. Later on, the parents or the guardians of the two lovers meet to regularize this union. Any problem, like the shortage of bride-price of the absence of a girl for exchange, are solved by giving facilities to the boy's side for paying the sum in

Tharus of Dang. / 217 1 easy premiums or by arranging for a girl to be given back in exchange a few years later. > Regarding the marital customs of the Tharus, it seems that though they are assimilating some Hindu features in their usual way of life, yet the rites and ceremonies concerning marriage are rarely influenced by outside customs. But one cannot predict whether the situation will remain the same in the future. A few educated and rich Tharus, who are developing a taste for a Sanskritized way of life have started to introduce alien patterns such as the abolition of the brideprice or of the exchange of girls or women for marriage, though not the rites or ceremonies themselves. Sagunlal Chaudhari of Sukhrwar, did not accept any bride-price or girl in exchange for his married sister, though later on he had to pay the bride-price for his younger brother Balbahadur's wife, as the parents of the bride were not ready to forego the price. Campaigns for social reforms are very necessary to uplift an under-developed community, but the programmes for such reform must not simply impose the norms and values of the dominant Hindu culture.