1.1. Hindu Marriage Ceremony

It is a characteristic of upper class Hindu society that no individual in it is taken to be already prepared for certain functions in life. He has to be initiated into them. This initiation he has to undergo in a ritual which in the case of some functions very elaborate and is to be accompanied with the recitation of the vedic mantras. A priest well-versed in it has to officiate at it. In the earlier period he used to be a good scholar but things have changed now. The ritual, the Karmakanda, has become a discipline in itself at present and the priests acquiring just the minimum of knowledge and practice of performing the ritual officiate at the ceremonies. The ritual begins even before the birth of a child and continues intermittently right upto his death. The sacraments, the Samskaras, needing ritual number as many as forty, of which sixteen are more prominent. Of these sixteen only five are generally practised now: the Namakarana, the Christening or the naming of a child, the Mundana, the tonsure, the Upanayana, the wearing of the sacred thread or the initiation into study; the study of the Veda and through that of other lores; the Vivaha, the marriage and the Antyesti, the last rites, the funeral. Before taking up the details of the Hindu marriage ceremony, it would be worthwhile to familiarize oneself with the basic concept underlying the same. Unlike among others, among the Hindus, marriage is not a contract between two parties, man and woman, which could be broken with mutual consent or otherwise. There is nothing like divorce in the sense in which it is understood Prof. Satya Vrat Shastri Collection, New Delhi. Digitized by eGangotri

8 Society and Culture in Islam and Christianity. The marriage can only be annulled under very special circumstances which have been spelt out in the Smrtis, the texts on Hindu law. If the husband suffers from an incurable disease or has been absenting himself from home for a long period with no trace of him or takes to renunciation, Sannyasa, can his wife, if she so chooses, remarry. Otherwise, man and woman, once tied in nuptial bond, have to remain so all through their life. They have also to be faithful to each other, each looking to the welfare of the other. That is the scriptural injunction. Not that there have been no deviations, human society constituted as it is, is not a regimented organism. Even the use of the maximum force cannot make it follow a particular course. Yet, the force of scripture and convention plays its own part in minimising the deviations and directing a society to follow a particular course charted out for it which normally it does with certain exceptions. It may again be worthwhile to trace here in brief the evolution of marriage in Indian history. The Rgvedic Society emerges with a well established home which could not have been possible in the pre-marital stage of sexual relationship. There is no instance of promiscuity proper in the Vedic literature. The only reference to it is in the Mahabharata.' There it is stated that women were in the earlier times free. The custom of marriage was started by Svetaketu, the son of Uddalaka, who abolished the earlier practice, as stated in the Brhadaranayaka Upanisad.² Since there is no other reference to this nature of marriage in the Rgvedic times, a reference to the Pururavas-Urvasi type of marriage³ must be supposed to pertain to very ancient times when temporary marriages might have taken place. A point to be noted before proceeding on with the ritual part of the Hindu marriage is that there is no one stereotyped form of marriage. The scriptures, the Smrtis, accept as many as eight forms of it; the Brahma the Daiva, the Arsa, the Prajapatya, the Asura, the Gandharva, the Raksasa and the Paisaca. The Smrtis have-divided the eight forms into two categories of approved, prasasta and disapproved, aprasasta. The first four are of the

Hindu Marriage Ceremony 9 prasasta category and the last four of the aprasasta one. Of the prasasta too it was the first, the Brahma which was considered the best. Of the eight forms in the ascending order was Paisaca, the fraudulent possession of the person of the girl, the Raksasa, the forcible capture of the girl while crying or weeping, the Gandharva, the selection by the bride of the husband for herself, Asura the acceptance of the bride out of free will by the husband after having paid money to her or to her relations, the Prajapatya the giving away of the daughter by the father to a suiter on the understanding that they should both perform their religious duties 5/ together, the Arsa/the acceptance by the father of the bride a pair of kine or two for the uses prescribed by law, e.g., the performance of some sacrifice from the 'bridegroom', the Daiva the gifting away of a decorated girl in the form of Daksina, the fee at a sacrifice commenced by him, the Brahma, the giving away of the daughter by the father with such ornaments as he could afford to a man of character and learning who is invited by him voluntarily and received respectfully without taking anything in return. Of all the forms of marriage it is the Brahma which is considered the purest and the fittest. Most of the rest were social perversities which can go with any society. At present there is only one form of marriage, the Brahma, which is prevalent. In some communities the Asura form of marriage in the shape of acceptance of the money by the father of the bride from the bridegroom may also be present. One thing that has to be noticed here is that whatever the form of marriage, even the most detestable one of capturing the girl by force, the Raksasa form, it cannot be said to have been solemnized unless it is performed in the presence of fire to the accompaniment of the prescribed rites. The marriage has to be in the same caste but outside the same Gotra, clan. the inter-caste marriages did take place. They were only tolerated but not encouraged. An elaborate ritual accompanies the marriage. A description of it in brief would be worthwhile in bringing to light the thinking that characterizes it,

it A If it Amerit loja, chan al of a/ (T) abyd !/ 10 Society and Culture the thinking that shows the highly elevating spirit in which it was conceived. The rituals in the marriage ceremony can be broadly divided into three: (i) Kanya-dana, i.e. giving away the daughter. (ii) Laja-homa, i.e. offering of lajas, parched rice, in sacrificial fire. (iii) Sapta-padi, i.e. the seven steps around the sacrificial fire. These three rituals have reference to three persons in the bridal home. Kanya-dana is performed by the parents of the bride, the Laja-home by the brother of the bride, the Sapta-padi by the bride herself. The parents of the girl by their act of Kanya-dana propose the marriage, the brothers by offering Laja-homa second the proposal while the girl by performing the Sapta-padi, supports the proposal. The relatives of both sides, the friends and the wise men present by offering and showering of flowers endorse and complete the formalities and requirements of a valid marriage. In such a marriage there is no necessity of any written record. The main witness is the fire/god Agni who sanctifies it. The other witnesses are the people present. Nothing further is needed for the proof of marriage. Marriage Ceremony Gods first are invoked and propitiated by means of Vedic mantras. They (the Gods) are requested to grace the occasion by their auspicious presence and become witnesses. Then the bridegroom is honoured by offering of Madhuparka which represents the greatest form of honour in Indian tradition. Then he is offered a seat, water for washing feet and for acamana (three sips), a pair of clothes and a cow. This depicts the climax of faith of the bride's father in God. In offering the soul in the form of his daughter to the other family the father seeks the refuge of God. Accordingly, acting on the injunction of the sastras, he accepts the bridegroom as (a representative of) God and submits: 'O Great God Thou have appeared in my home in the form of the bridegroom. This girl in the form of Laksmi is thy trust.

Pl.check milk nadol Hindu Marriage Ceremony 11 She is your own and I offer her unto thee. With these feelings I entrust her unto thy holy hands, pray, accept her'. The bridegroom eulogizes the things offered by the father of the bride and expresses his gratitude by placing the offered flowers, fruits etc. on his head. In other words, the God in the form of the bridegroom expresses his gratification at the devotion of the bride's father and assures him that he would always respect Laksmi in the form of his bride. The bridegroom takes only a small part of the Madhuparka preparation. He, thereby, fulfils the Rgvedic injunction: kevalagho bhavati kevaladi and the saying of the Gita, bhunjate tvagham papa ye pacanty atmakaranat; according to which he who eats alone, is a great sinner for he eats an accursed food. He expresses his resolve that in future he shall not eat alone. The Madhuparka is made up of ghee, honey and curd Ghee and honey when mixedga in equal proportion turn into poison. Accordingly, in preparing Madhuparka, ghee, honey and curd are mixed in the ratio of 1: 2: 4. Utility of ghee, honey and curd is described in highest terms in the Vedas: ayur vai ghrtam, ghee is verily the long life. Honey as body builder is also praised in ancient texts. Ayurveda considers curd as the best form of food. The Madhuparka sanctified by the Vedic mantras, is energy-giving and is the best drink. In Vedas ghee is also described as sneha (love). It follows that the love of husband and wife should be as uncorruptible as ghee. The speech of the husband and wife should be as sweet as honey and their thoughts and mind towards each other as pure and clear as curd. The father of the bride offers four pieces of clothes to the bride-groom. Of these four, the bridegroom hands over two to the bride. This indicates that in future the husband will offer onehalf of whatever he obtains to his wife. In asking the bride to wear the two pieces of clothes offered by him, the bridegroom prays in the words of the mantras that his bride may wear clothes up to a very old age. May she be endowed with wealth, sons and prosperity. May she live a long life and save him from sins. After the body garments are worn, the bride is asked to wear the head aler

12 Society and Culture garment. At that time the bridegroom says: "The fortunate ladies who have spun and woven it have blessed the bride with long and auspicious life". The remaining two pieces of clothes are worn by the bridegroom with the recital of the Vedic prayers to Indra, Brhaspati and gods of the earth and heavens that he may become wealthy, prosperous and long-lived. (i) Kanya-Dana After the new clothes are worn, the parents of the bride tie the edges of the clothes into a knot and the father taking in his hand the conch, sandalwood, flowers, rice, fruits and water makes a resolve to give the girl in marriage. At that time the family priests of both sides recount the nobility and loftiness of the family of each side, mentioning the names of ancestors, their Vedic pedigree, their Gotras etc. and offer their blessings by reciting benedictory praises and hymns. The father of the girl hands over the duty of the protection of the girl to the bridegroom. This is a sort of transfer. Amidst the chanting of Vedic mantras, the girl's father by sounding the conch proclaims his purity and integrity. He indicates his large-heartedness through sandalwood and his humility, love and faith through leaves and flowers. The bridegroom desiring the welfare of the parents of the bride by chanting Vedic mantras expresses his devotion to God and his own humility for there is none in the world who gives or accepts. It is God's will alone which accomplishes such a good deed. Reciting the Vedic mantras he prays that by the subtle influence of the air which sanctifies all the quarters the mind of the bride should follow that of his own and that her soothing sight be beneficial both to himself and to his cattle. She should always remain cheerful. She may become mother of valiant sons and be the source of happiness to everybody in her husbands home. (ii) Laja - Homa (a) Marriage is not complete with Kanya-dana alone. Before the Laja-homa, the bridegroom by means of daily sacrificial mantras

Hindu Marriage Ceremony 13 offers oblations of ghee to the fire and completes the three 5/ 7/ sacrifices i.e., Rastrabhrta for the prosperity of the country, Jayahoma for victory and Abhyatana for the vanquishing of the enemies. He then offers five special oblations in fire for his own long life and that of the bride and their future progeny. After the Kanya-dana the feeling may arise in the mind of the bride that both she and her brothers have been born in the same house and both have equal rights, then why is it that she alone is being sent to another family. To unburden her mind of this feeling the brothers give to their sister the lajas (parched rice) for offering in the fire. The idea is to show that just as paddy plants are TV transplated from their original places to other places for proper growth of the crop, so also the girls have to be married and transplanted to other families. By filling the hands of their sister with lajas the brothers assure her that whenever she will go from her father's home to her husband's home, they will provide her plenty of money and articles. Even now it is considered inauspicious for a married woman to go empty-handed from her father's house to her husband's house. With these feelings the bride with a pleased mind offers three oblations of the lajas, parched rice, in the fire through her husband and recites the following three mantras: aryyamanam devam kanya agnim ayaksata, sa no aryyama devah preto muncatu, ma patehi iyam naryy upabrute lajan avapantika, ayusman astu me patir edhantam jnatayo mamal iman lajan avapamy agnaus samrddhikaranam tava, mama tubhyam ca samvananam tad agnir anumanyatam iyami' The significance of the first mantra is that the bride has propitiated god Aryama and that as she is going away from her father's home to her husband's home, God Aryama may not separate her from her husband's home. In the second mantra she seeks the benedictions of her brothers and relatives for the long life of her husband and in turn wishes them alround prosperity. In the third mantra addressing her husband she says, "Lord, by offering the oblations of lajas in the fire I pray to God that our

14 Society and Culture mutual love should always remain strong and firm." There is a deep significance in the act of the bride in not offering the lajas given by her brothers in the fire herself but through her husband. Just as at the time of sowing of paddy, the seed without the husk (outer cover) and the husk without the seed has no utility, similarly, in the domestic life the husband without the wife and the wife without the husband has no meaning. Both have to act in concert. Panigrahana (b) The bridegroom with a happy heart then takes the hand of the bride into that of his and assures her: grbhnami te saubhagatvaya hastam maya patya jaradastir yathasahi Bhago aryyama savita purandhir mahyam tvadur garhapatyaya devah18 amoham asmi sa tvam, sa tvam asmy amo aham, samaham asmi rk tvam, dyaur aham prthivi tvam 19 pasyema saradah satam jivema saradah satam srnuyama saradah satami 10 "Goddess, I hold your right hand in my right one for all times to come. May we live together upto old age. Auspicious gods Bhaga, Aryama, Savitr and Purandhi have made you the mistress of my house. If I am the breath, you are the speech, but if you are the speech, I am the breath. If I am Samaveda, you are Rgveda. I am the heaven and you are the earth. (Loving each other) may we see for hundred years, live for hundred years and hear for hundred years." This is followed by the ceremony of Sparsa, touching. The husband touches the heart of the bride reaching over her right shoulder with the words: mama vrate te hrdayam dadhami mama cittam anucittam te astu" "Into my will I take thy heart; thy mind shall dwell in my mind ."

Hindu Marriage Ceremony 15 In the Vedas, the right hand is called pani, because with it are performed all the religious acts and such other acts as worship, charity, daksina, etc. Grasping of the both the right hands is called Panigrahana. Mutual and lasting love between husband and wife during married life and observing dharma are the high ideals of Panigrahana. The highest aim of husband and wife is attainment of salvation by repaying the three debts, the Rsi Rna, the Deva Rna and the Pitr Rna (i.e. debt to the sages, the gods and the ancestors). The debt to the sages is repayed by the study of the Vedas and the sastras and also by acquisition of true knowledge; the debt to gods is repayed by the performance of sacrifices (yajnas) and the debt to ancestors is repayed by giving birth to noble progeny. The bridegroom and the bride then go round the fire four times. In the first three rounds the bride leads and in the fourth one the bridegroom leads. According to Vedic lore attainment of dharma (duty); artha (wealth); kama (desires) and moksa (liberation, i.e. salvation from birth and death) is the aim of life. The bride takes up the responsibility of observing dharma and so she leads. As dharma cannot be attained without artha (wealth) the bride comes forward again in the second round for proper utilization of wealth. In the third round the bride again leads, as, for the proper rearing of progeny it is the wife who has to shoulder the main responsibility. In the three rounds she offers lajas in the fire, grasps the right hand of the husband and steps on the stone. It is on the direction of the bridegroom that she does that. The bridegroom says, "from today onward you may have to face many obstacles and difficulties but you should crush all of them and trample under your feet all those who act as your enemies. You have to remain as firm and steadfast as this stone. In no case have you to falter". Another significance of stepping over the stone is that the path of the married life is difficult to tread. The bridegroom assures the bride that he will fully cooperate with her facing all those difficulties which come in their way. After the third round the bride says that she has taken upon herself the responsibility for dharma, artha and kama and asks:

16 Society and Culture i/ "Who will take up the responsibility of Cleading them to salvation i.e. moksa?" A Then the bridegroom comes forward and leads in the fourth round. In this round there is no chanting of the mantras. Silence and one-pointedness are the keys of spiritualism which require introversion. (iii) Sapta-padi The sastras do not consider marriage as valid even after the brothers have offered the Laja-homa. Only Sapta-padi completes the marriage ceremony. The consent of the bride is necessary for the completion of the marriage and that is evidenced when they perform the Sapta-padi. Amidst the chanting of the Vedic mantras the bride and the bridegroom walk seven steps before the sacred fire in the presence of the gods, the wise people and the relatives making solemn resolves. This is in consonance with the famous edict, 'seven steps taken together create friendship'. This is the final step in the completion of a valid and legal marriage. At the instance of the bride, the bridegroom takes vows for shouldering responsibility for the provision of food, clothes, strength, wealth, happiness, cattle and other articles necessary in different seasons. These vows he takes in the first, second, third, fourth, fifth and sixth steps one after the other and prays to Lord Visnu to grant him strength to fulfil these vows. He addresses the bride as Anna-purna, Durga, Laksmi, Sukhavarsa, Prajavatni and Rtuvarsa. In the seventh step the bridegroom tells the bride: "Come along. Now we are friends to travel this life's journey. Let our love be lasting. As husband and wife let us march on in the service and for the protection of the country, community and dharma, in addition to the service of our parents and relatives. Thus like the two wheels of a chariot, the husband and wife solemnly resolve to shoulder the responsibility of married life and become one in spirit, and pray as under: "I have your heart's support. May your mind follow my mind. May my thoughts and speech be as yours. May God unite me and

Hindu Marriage Ceremony you firmly in bonds of love for ever." 17 After the Sapta-padi the bride sits on the left side of the bridegroom as ardhangini or vamangi. At the time of marriage and occasions like vrata, fast and charity (dana) as also during the rituals of Pumsavana (a ceremony performed in the third month of gestation), Simanta (a ceremony performed by women in months of pregnancy), parting of the hair and in the course of the yajnas (sacrifices), etc. wife as a religious partner always sits on the right side of the husband. According to sastras the right side of man and the left side of woman are considered pure. The right hand of man and the left one of that of woman can in conjunction do all good deeds. On all other occasions such as in chariots, wife is to sit on the left side. The seven steps, the Sapta-padi, are indicative of the seven Lokas Bhu, Bhuvah, etc., seven seers (Rsis), seven sounds of music (Sapta-svaras), seven Patalas (Sapta-patalas), seven rays of the sun (Sapta-rasmis), seven colours (Sapta-varnas), seven corns (Sapta-dhanyas), seven metals (Sapta-dhatus), seven continents (Sapta-dvipas), seven mountains (Sapta-parvatas). Then the bridegroom applies sindura, red powder, in the simanta, the parting of the hair of the bride. While applying the powder, the bridegroom prays: May the bride always be auspicious: sumangalir iyam vadhur imam sameta pasyata and asks the persons present to bless her before departing: saubhagyam asyai dattvayathastam vi paretana." In the end the bridegroom, showing the Polar-star (Dhruvanaksatra) to the bride and exhorting her to follow steadfastly the family tradition chants the following mantra: ihaiva stam ma vi yaustam visvam ayur vyasnutami krilantau putrair naptrbhir modamanau sve grhei¹2 "Be you here itself. May there be no separation. May you attain full span of life playing with children and grandchildren making merry in your home".

18 Society and Culture REFERENCES 1. anavrtah kila pura striya asan varanane! kamacaraviharinyah svatantras caruhasinil 1.128 2. Pandey, Rajbali, Hindu Samskaras, Motilal Banarsidass, Delhi, 1998, p. 157. 3. X.59. 4. Rgveda, X.117.6 5. Gita, 3.13 6. A well-known saying. 7. Apastamba Grhyasutra, 1.7.13 8. Rgveda, X.85.36 9. Atharvaveda, 14.2.71 10. Rgveda, VII.76.16 11. Paraskara Grhyasutra, 1.8.8 12. Rgveda, X.85.33 13. ibid., X.85.42