Chapter 3.4 - How to win over one’s beloved

The fourth adhyaya instructs a lover how to win over his beloved, who expresses her love by various signs. In this connection, Vatsyayana says- "A lover should gain his beloved by many plans." The Kamasutra gives many plans to a hero to achieve his goal. Among those, some plans have been deseribed directly and some indirectly by the poets. Vatsyayana instructs- "When the man is engaged with her in some game or sport, he should inten- ,,117 tionally hold her hand. The intention of Vatsyayana is that a lover should touch her body under some pretext to show that he is familiar with her. Hence Kalidasa sketches Agnimitra and Vikrama in the same manner. When Malavika bows down to the king, as Vidusaka has created 116, alane grddayate hasti vaji valgasu grhayate | hrdaye grhayate nari yadidam nasti gamyatam || mrccha . 1.50. 117. darsitangitakaram kanyamupayato'bhiyujita | te kridanakesu ca vivadamanah sakaramasyah panimavalambeta || ka . sa. 3.401, 20 •

fear in her mind, Agnimitra takes her by the hand and Vikrama, in pramadavana, having makes her rise up. 118 seen Urvasi suddenly, holds her and makes her sit. 119 In both the contexts the lovers have tried to touch them under some pretence and have succeeded in their effcrts. 272 Another plan stated by Vatsyayana is that he should sit near her at parties and assemblies and touch her under 120 some pretext. According to this tenet only, Vikrama sits near Urvasi in the chariot and when it goes speedily their bodies come closer. 121 When a lover creates confidence, then he should say to her- "I have something to tell you in private." At this time he should read her 122 feelings. Amaruka, who describes the love-situations according to the words of Kamasutra, describes an experience of a heroine who tells her friend thus- "I have a 118. iti hastena grhitva utthapayati | mala . pr .68. 119 haste grhitva enamupavesayati | vikrama . 2. • 120. preksanake svajanasamaje va samipopavesanam tatranyapadista sparsanam | ka . su . 3. 4. 10. 121. yadayam rathasamksobhadamsanamso rathopamasronyah | sprstah saromavikriyamamkuritamanobhavenekha vikrama . 1. 13. 122. vivikte ca kimcidasti kathayitavyamiti uktva nirvapanam bhavam ca tatropalaksayed | ka . su . 3. 4.21.

273 word for thee', he said and drew me to a lonely spot; and as my heart was filled with eager longing, I sat close to him and was attentive. Then whispering something in my ear and smelling my mouth, be caught hold of the braid of my hair and sipped the nector from my lips. ,,123 The first line of this verse is really the reflection of Kalidasa sketches this aphorism when Vatsyayana's words. he describes the pre-separation state of Yaksa, who indeed was eager to tell something, in the ear of his beloved, which could be spoken out loudly even before her friends, due to the longing for the touch of the beloved's face. 124 Vatsyayana makes a general statement that women grow less timid than usual during the evening and in darkness and are desirous of congress at those times, and do not oppose men then and should only be enjoyed at these hours. 125 123. aham tenahrta kimapikathayamiti vijane samipe casina saralahrdayatvadavahita | tatah karnopante kimapi vadatamraya vadanam grhitva dhammillam mama sakhi nipito'dhararasah || 'amara- 66. 124. sabdakhyeyam yadapi kila te yah sakhinam purastatkarne lolah kathayitumabhudananasyalobhat | maigha . 105. 125. pradose nisi tamasi ca yosito mandasadhvasah suratavyavasayinyo ragavatyasca bhavanti na ca purusam pratyacaksate tasmattatkalam prayojayitavya iti prayovadah | ka . su . 3. 4. 31.

274 Influence of this sutra is seen on Amaruka, when he describes a beloved, who was embraced and kissed by her lover 126 in the darkness. vatsyayana, having instructed a man, gives some guidelines to a girl about her behaviour at the first union. He says- "Old authors say that, although the girl loves the man ever so much, she should not offer herself, for a girl who does this, loses her dignity. When the man shows his wish to enjoy her, she should be favourable to 128 him. When he embraces her, she should not show any change in her demeanour, not should/oppose him. "127 129 When he tries to kiss her she 130 Though importuned by him she should not yield herself upto him as if of her own accord, but 131 should resist his attempts to have her. All these 126. kante sagati sapite priyasakhivesam vidhayagate bhrantyalimgya maya rahasyamuditam tatsamgamakamksaya mugdhe duskarametadityatitamamudrama ha bala- daslisya cchalitasmi tena kitavenadya pradosagame || amaru . 46 • 127. na caivatura'pi purusam svayamabhiyunjita, svayamabhiyogini hi yuvatih saubhagyam jahatityacaryah | ka . su . 5. 4. 43. 1 28. tatprayuktanam tvabhiyoganamanulomyena grahanam | ka . su . 3. 4. 440 129. akaparisvakta ca na vikrtim bhajet | ka . su . 3. 4. 45. 130. vadanagrahane balatkarah | ka . su . 3. 4. 47. 131. abhyarthita'pi nativivrta svayam syadaniscayakalat | 3. 4. 49. I

275 suggestions, given by Vatsyayana to a girl, are described by the poets when they sketched the Mugdha type of heroine. 133 132 It has been already noted that Sakuntala, Parvati, Malayavati, Malavika and Sarmistha, who are the Mugdha type of heroines, behave according to the above words. When king Dusyanta raises the face of Sakuntala in order to kiss her she avoids it. Hence the king narrates-" "The face of the damsel, with eyes of lovely eyelashes, was though somehow raised, yet not kissed, which had its lower lip covered with fingers, which was distressed in uttering words of prohibition and was charming, and which 134 repeatedly turned towards the shoulder. king commenting on the activities of his beloved says that Further the 135 In she neither revealed nor concealed her feelings. this context Kamasutra has used the words 'nativivrta svayam' Kalidasa has used 'na vivrtah'. Thus both the writers have used the same words in the same context. 132. Supra Fn.64-72 of IInd chapter. 133. mukhamasyah samunnayitumicchati | sakuntala nayyena pariharati | abhi . 68. 134. muhurangulisamvrtadharostham pratisedhaksara viklava bhiramam | mukhamamsavivarti paksmalaksyah kathamapyunnamitam na cumbitam tu || abhi . 3.24. 135. na vivrto madano na ca samvrtah || abhi . 2.11.

278 Even Malavika in her first union, behaves as if she was obeying the rules of Vatsyayana word by word, She obstructs her lover's hand which was near her girdle. She covers her breasts when she was embraced; she turns 136 away the face when being raised up in order to kiss. Jimutavahana pictures the behaviour of Malayavati which was according to the Kamasutra thus- "On being seen, she casts down her looks; on being addressed she does not. give any reply. While in bed she turns away from me, embraced forcibly she shudders; when the attendants are going out of the bed chamber, she too would go away with them. My newly wedded wife brings me great happiness because of her crossness itself. 137 Somadevasuri depicts Amptamati in the same manner at her first meet with Yafodhara. 138 Sanskrit poets have taken great pleasure in depicting the behaviour of a girl who gives a special type of pleasure at the first meet. 136. Supra Fn.68 of Chapter II. 137. Supra Fn.67 of Chapter II. 138. ukta vakti na kinciduttaramayam nalokitalokata sayyayam vihitagama ca vivasasvasolbanam vepate || narmalapavidhi sakopahrdaya gantum punarva, cchati pritim kasya tathapi no vitanute bala nave samgame || yasasti . 2.218. i

277 } Amaruka describes the conduct of a girl at the first union in these words: "When the husband clings to the garment, she demurely bends her countenance; when he desires a passionate embrace, she moves her limbs aside stealthily; she directs her glance towards her smiling friends and is unable to say anything; the newly married one suffers inwardly from bashfulness during the first ,,,139 pleasantry. Prohibiting the lover's act, no: allowing him to embrace, and not mingling the eyes etc. are described by the poet according to the tenets of Vatsyayana. In another verse, the poet sketches a newly married girl, who is repenting for her attitude at the first union in this- "Silly girl that I was, why did I not clasp my lord by the neck? Why did I lower my face while he tried to kiss me? Why I did I not look up to him? Why did I not speak to him?"140 Here the girl, who is regretting for 139. patalagne patyau namayati mukham jatavinaya hathaslesam vanchatyapaharati gatrani nibhrtam | asakta cakhyatum smitamu khasakhidattanayana diya tamyatyantah prathamaparihase navavadhuh || amaru . 36. 140. slistah kanthe kimiti na maya mudhaya prananatha- pracumbatyasmin vadanavinatih kimkrta kim na drstah | noktah kasmaditi navavadhuyestitam cintayanti pascattapam vahati taruni premna jate rasajna || amaru . 51.

her behaviour, acted as if she had obeyed the rules of Kamasutra, 279 Pravarasena points some girls, who are new to lovesport, who are inactive and who accept everything passively, as they have not interest in those activities due to shame as well as fear. Another poet describes a newly wedded 141 girl who gives pleasure as well as pain at the first meet, by turning away her face when she is embraced; by stopping (avoiding) the kisses as she shakes her head by removing his hand which is placed on her breasts; and by desiring 142 to go away. The behaviour of this girl, no doubt, resembles the attitude of a girl described by the Kamasutra. 141. kathamapi sammukhanitaike katham kathamapi valaccumbitattata mukhe | dadati skhaladullape navavadhutarthe khinnataramapi dhrtim || na pibati dattamapi mukham na pranayayatyadharam na mocayati balat | kathamapi pratipadyate ratam prathama samagamaparamukhi yuvativanah || setu . 10-76, 78. 142, balannita parsva mukhamabhimukham naiva kurute dhanana murdhanam harati bahusacumbana-vidhim | hrdinyastam hastam ksipati gamanaropitamana navodha vodharam mukhyati ca santapayati ca | sadhara • 3678.

On the basis of vatsyayana's words some poets have narrated in fear of a girl at the first union. One poet says "A young girl gave more pleasure to her husbard than sex-sport, by uttering "o lover stop, leave the " border of my garment, put off the lamp, my friend may 143 come* etc. The girl, here, wants to show her noncooperation to her lover. But he gets pleasure from her non-cooperation also. Jagannatha Pandita says that the newly wedded girl, who is caught in the arm-cage, trembles 144 much like a young deer, which is caught in the snare. In this way most of the poets have followed the worcs of Vatsyayana in depicting the attitude of a young girl, who is facing the first union with her lover or husband. 279 Further Vatsyayana warns a girl that she should submit herself, when she has confidence in her lover that he will 145 marry her and he will not leave her. The intention of 143. virama natha vimuca mamancalam samayadipamimam samaya sakhim | iti navodavadhavacanairyuva mudamagadadhikam suratadapi || sam . ti • pr . 117. 1.44. bhujapa - jare grhita navaparinita rahati vadhuh | tatkalajala patita balakurangiva vepate nitaram || bhamini • 2.37. 145. yada tu manyetanurakto mayi na vyavartisyata iti tadaivainama- bhiyujjanam balabhavamoksaya navarayet | ka . su . 3. 4. 50.

280 Vatsyayana is that a girl should not allow her lover to enjoy her body before marriage. Otherwise she has to face unwanted consequences. The sense of these words is seen in the speech of Sarngarava, who advises Sakuntala thus- "Therefore a union, especially in private, should be formed after careful examination. Friendship towards those, whose hearts are unknown, turns into hostility. It 146