Chapter 3.2 - How to create confidence in Women

The second adhyaya tells how to create confidence in the girl. The importance of Kanyavisrambhana is narrated by Vatsyayana thus- "He who knows how to make himself beloved by women, to increase their honour and create confidence in them, becomes an object of their love." At the beginning of this adhyaya the Kamasutra states thus- "For the first three days after marriage, the girl and her husband should sleep on the floor and abstain from sexual pleasure... On the night of the tenth day the man should begin in a lonely place with soft words and thus create confidence in the girl... The man should begin to win her over and to create confidence in her, but should abstain at first from sexual pleasures. Women being of tender nature, want tender beginnings, and when they are forcibly approached by men with whom they are but slightly acquainted, they become sometimes even haters of the male sex. The man should therefore approach the girl according to her liking and should make use of 12. atmanah pritijananam yositam manavardhanam | kanya vistrambhanam vedita yah sa tasam priyo bhavet 11 ka . su . 3.2.41. 1

13 those devices by which he will create confidence. 242 According to the words of the Kamasutra, Kalidasa makes the Lord Siva to sleep on earth for three days with Parvati. He describes it thus- "Having dismissed the hosts of gods, the moon-crested god, taking the mountain's daughter by the hand, went to the nuptial apartment in which pots of gold (were placed, which was furnished with decorations and in which a bed was spread on the ground. #14 Vatsyayana instructs to create confidence in lonely place with soft words. Hence Nala acts in the same manner. | • 13. samgatayi striratramadhah sayya brahmacarya .....| tasminnetam nisi vijane mrdubhirupacarairupakrameta upakrameta vistrambhayecca, na tu brahmacaryamativarteteti vatsyayanah | upakramamanaca na prataksya kincidacaret | kusumadharmanohi yositah sukumaropakramah, tastvanadhigatavisvasaih pratabha- mupakramyamanah samprayogadvesinyo bhavanti tasmatsamnaivopacaret | yuktya spi tu yatah prasaramupalabheta tenaivanupraviset | 14. athavibudhaganamsta nindumaulirvisrjya ksitidhara patika nayamadadanah karena | ka nakakalasyuktam bhaktisobhasanartham ka . sa. 3. 2. 1, 2, 4, 5, 6, 7. ksitiviracitasayyam kautukagaragat || kumara . 7 94. 6

mhmd sriharsa describes it in this way- "At first he had let her come to him in the company of her girl friends; then ** in the company of only one. Full of wiles, he sent away this one, too, on some errand, and reduced Damayanti to 15 the position of having him alone as her companion. Nala, who was an expert in sexology, having sent all friends, starts to create confidence in Damayanti. Rama brings sita, whose thighs are like the trunk of an elephant, to his palace which was very beautiful and 16 having a bed on the ground. Here Rama wants to create confidence in the mind of sita, hence he has brought her to his chamber in which nobody will enter. 243 The Kamasutra states- "Women are soft hearted, hence, they should be treated delicately. Particularly this applies to the virgins in the first meeting. Therefore they should be used like flowers. Kalidasa accepts this opinion; hence he says- "The tie of hope, although possessing the strength like that of a flower, preserves the life 15. qtadatunfa fagi aetfafurda yday AT AUBUT I parsvamagami nijam sahalibhistena purvamatha kapi tamapi niyujya mayita svatmamatrasacivavasesita || naisa . 18-39. 16. gaurimivacaragunena gurvi kare grhitva karabhopamulam | satalpabhubhagamanalpasobham bhavaprabhavo bhavanam vivesa || janaki . 7-6 1.

} 24% 17 of women. The idea of treating a virgin softly is once again narraged by Kalidasa in the Raghuvamsa, where he describes king Aja who enjoyed the kingdom very delicately 18 as a newly married girl. Here Kalidasa has used the word sadayam to express the idea of Vatsyayana. The poet Amaruka describes a woman, who was tortured by separation, whose body is extremely thin, and who was counting the days of her death, and exclaims "How shall women, tender 19 11 as young shoots, remain alive in this condition. the poet has showed that women are like tender sprouts, according to the Kamasutra. Here In the Malatimadhava, Buddha-raksita quotes lines from Kamasutra to Madayantika, whose brother, Nandana, behaves crudely on the first night. Here Buddharaksita, 20 17. asabandhah kusumasadrso prayaso dayamgananam | megha . 10. 18. sadayam bubhuje mahabhujah sahasodvegamiyam vrajediti | aciropanatam sa medinim navapanigrahanam vadhumiva || raghu . 8-7. 19. virahavisamah kamah kamam tanum tanute tanum divasaganana - daksah svairam vyapetaghrno yamah | tvamapi vasago manavyathervicantaya natha he kisalayamrdurjividevam katham pramadajanah || amaru 54. 20. yadapi navavadhuviruddhasarabhasopakrama skhalanavailaksya vicchardita mahanubhavatvasya bhatuste vaggatam kimapi aparisthanika tena vicayata ke vayamiti | kinca kusumasadharmani hi yositah sukumaropakramah | tasu anadhigata visvataih prasabhamupakramyamanah sadyah samprayogadvesinyah purusadvesinyo va iti | evam kila kamasutrakarah amananti | kalati . pr . 393, 394.

breaks through her Prakrit language and quotes lines from the Kamasutra in Sanskrit. The poet Bhavabhuti has exhibited his knowledge of Kamasutra in this act. Therefore } ,,,21 Peterson remarks- "The whole context refers to a matter which Vatsyayana treats of at great length, and which is interwoven with the plot of Malatimadhava. Bhavabhuti himself has said that his drama is an exposition of sexology. In this way the poets have agreed and described the idea of Vatsyayana, who says that women are like 22 flowers. Vatsyayana instructs a male thus- "He should embrace her with the upper part of his body because that is easier and simpler. ,,23 When the girl accepts the embrace, the 24 man should put a tambula in her mouth... At the time of giving this tambula he should kiss her mouth softly 25 and gracefully without making any sound. When she is 245 21. Bhavabhuti's Knowledge of Kamasatra. JBRAS, 18 th Vol., (1891), p.109. 22. autsukyamayojitakamasutram citra katha vaci vidagdhaneti | malati . pr . 17. 23. purvakayena copakrameta visayatvat | ka . •.3.2.9. 24. angikrtaparisvangayasca vamdanena tambuladanam 25. ................ 1 ka . sa. 3.2.11. 'tadanaprasangena mrdu visadamaka halamasthascumbanam | ka . su . 3.2.12.

246 26 gained over in this respect he should then make her talk. In this connection Ghotakamukha says- "All girls hear everything said to them by men, but do not themselves When she is thus importusometimes say a single word."27 ned the girl should give replies by shakes of the head.. 28 According to the above instructions, Nala, a master of the art of love, drew his beloved near with the circle of his embrace with the manner of one still far away, though she had been placed close to him by her maiden 29 friends. Sriharsa further narrates that, as she was drooping with bashfulness, he kissed her first on the forehead; then on the cheeks, as she by degrees bent herself less. Then as her confidence grew at this, he smiled, abruptly kissing her on the face. Kumaradasa 30 26. `tatrasiddhamalapayet | ka . su . 3.2.13. 27. sarva eva hi kanyah purusena prayujyamanam vacanam visahante, na tu laghumisramapi vacam vadantiti ghotakamukhah | ka . su . 3. 2. 17. 28. nirbadhyamana tu sirah kampaina prativacanani yojayet - ... 1 ka . su . 3.2.18. 2930 samnidhavapi nije nivesitamalibhih kusumasastrasastravit | anayadvyavadhimaniva priyamaikapalivalayena samnidhim || naisa . 18.40. 30. pragacumbadalike diyanatam tam kramadvaranatam kapolayoh | tena visvasitamanasam jhatityanane sa paricumbya tismiye || tatraiva . 18.41.

makes his hero, Rama, to behave in the same manner as Vatsyayana has told. 31 247 Siva the destroyer of the bodiless god, was assiduously asking Parvati a question in order to start conversation even on some irrelevant topic. Parvati looked at 32 him and gave a reply consisting of a nod of the head. The poet Kalidasa, here, has depicted Parvati according to the opinion of Vatsyayana. The Kamasutra says that, a virgin, at first meeting, does not speak anything but pays sincere attention to what her lover talks (Supra Fn.27). According to these words Kalidasa sketches Sakuntala. Therefore Dusyanta remarks- Even though she mingles not her speech with my words, she lends attentive 33 ear to me when I speak... Here the words used by Kalidasa resemble the tenets of Vatsyayana. 31. raghavenaparirabhya prsthatah sasprham nigadite manorathe | vridayavanatavakrapaikaja dhiramasmayata caruhasini || janaki . 8.3. 32. apyavastuni kathapravrttaye prasnatatparamanangasasanam | viksitena parigrddaya parvati murdhaka mpamayamuttaram dadau || kumara . 8.6. 33. vacam na misrayati yadyapi madvacobhih karna dadatyabhimukham mayi bhasamana | abhi . 1-30. 7

1 The Kamasutra states- "If the man is previously acquainted with the girl, he should converse with her through her female friend, who enjoys the confidence of 34 both. On such an occasion the girl should smile with 35 If the female friend says more her head bent down. on her part than she was desired to do, she should chide 36 her and dispute with her. She should smile and throw an occasional glance towards her lover. 37 Kalidasa's Sakuntala acts according to the above aphorisms. In the first act, Dusyanta talks with the friends of Sakuntala and asks about the parents of Sakuntala. Anasuya tells about the birth of Sakuntala. King Dusyanta having known about the parents of his beloved, describes her. Then Sakuntala stands with her face hung down. When Priyamvada opens the topic 38 249 34. samstuta cetpakhimanukulamubhayato'pi vistrabdham tamantarakrtva katham yojayet | ka . sa. 3.2.20. 35. afzu auntyut faena 1 &T.H.3.2.21. 36. tam cativadinimadhiksipe videta ca | ka . sa. 3.2.22. 37. nayakam ca vihasanti kadacitkataksaih precetetyalapayojanam | 3.2.26. 38. sakuntala adhomukhi visthati | abhih pr . 22. i

relating to the marriage of Sakuntala, she objects and says- "I shall report to venerable Gautami that this Priyamvada is talking non-sense. ,,,39 The poet has used the word asambaddha pralapinim and Vatsyayana has used ativadinim. In this context both writers have used similar words. Therefore V.V.Mirashi remarks- "The delightful scene of the first meeting of Dusyanta with Sakuntala and her two friends is only a dramatic elaboration of what Vatsyayana says about the behaviour of a young bashful woman in the presence of her lover. ,,40 Bhavabhuti pictures such a scene in the eighth act of Malatimadhava. Madhava is enjoying the company of Malati and her friend (Avalokita. During the conversation Malati keeps mum but gives attention to the words of her lover. She looks at Avalokita with objection when she reveals the secret of Malati before Madhava. 41 42 When Madhava asks about it, she shakes her head. While p. 29. 249 39. imama sambaddhapralapinim priyamvadamaryayai gautamye nivedayisyami | tatraiva . pu . 24. 40. Kalidasa. (Pub., Popular Prakashana, Bombay, 1969, 41. malati sasuyamiva tam pasyati | malati . pr . 451- 42. malati murdhanam calayati | malati . pu . 451.

250 Madhava importunes, she says bashfully, "I will not tell anything. "43** 5 In the Ratnavall, Sagarika objects the words of her friends who narrate the emotions of love of their Further she shows her rage towards then. Hence friend. the king says- "Sweet Sagarika, it is not proper to get angry with your friends."44 Here Sagarika behaves in such a way as if she was following the love-aphorisms of Vatsyayana. 45 If the girl is familiar with man, the Kamasutra instructs thus: He should touch her young breasts... If she prevents him he should say to her, I will not do it again if you will embrace me. While he is being embraced by her he should pass his hand repeatedly on her body upto the navel. By the by he should place her in his lap and try more and more to gain her consent and 43. naham kimapi bhanami | 8 iti lajjam natayati malati . pr . 452. priye sagarike, na khalu sakhijane yukta evam 1440 kopanubandhah kartum | ratna . 2. pr . 98. 45. tathayuktamacchuritakena stanamukulayoruparisprset | ka . su . 3.2.28.

if she does not yield to him, he should frighten her as 46 follows: "I shall impress marks of my teeth and nails on your lips and breasts and then make similar marks on my own body and shall tell my friends that you did them. What will you say then?" In this way as fear and confidence are created in the minds of children, so should 47 the man gain her over to his wishes. According to the above words, Nala feigning a curiosity to look at the beauty of her pearl string, touches the extremity of her neck with his hand which passes close 48 to her bosom. When Damayanti allows his hand on her bud-like breasts, Nala places his trembling hand near the 49 knot of her garment and loosens it. While Damayanti 46. varyamanasca tvamapimam parisvajasva tato naivamacarisyamiti sthitya parisvajayet, svam ca hastamanabhidesatprasarya prasarya nivartayat kramena cainamutsangamutsangamaropyadhikamadhika- mupakrametapratipadyamanam ca bhisayet | ka . su . 3.2.29. 47. aham khalu tavadantapadanyadhare karisyami, stanaprsthe ca nakhapadam atmanasca svayam krtva tvayakrtamiti te sakhijanasya purah kathayisyami sa tvam kimatra vaksyasiti balavibhisikabhi balipratyayanaisca sanairenam pratarayet | ka . su . 3.2.30. 48. haracarimavalokane mrsakautukam kimapi natayannayam | kanthamulamada siyama sprsatpaninopakuca dhavina dhavah || naisa . 18.44. 49. nivisomni nihitam sa nidraya subhuvo nisi nisiddhasamvidah | kampitam sayamapasa yannayam dolanairjanitabodhaya' naya || naisa . 18.46. 251

50 prohibits the acts of her consort with bashfulness, Nala creates confidence in her mind ever and anon with these words- "I only will do what thou dost allow. Be not shy. Away with fear. Once will I drink of thy lips, nothing else do I beg to thee. Thus saying in a low plaintive tone he tasted her lips crushing them with force. Here Sriharsa has followed Kamasutra word by word. 51 According to the instructions of Vatsyayana, Dusyanta who has started conversation with Sakuntala, having gained a little confidence asks her thus- "O beautiful one, shall I shampoo your feet (red like lotuses, so as 53 to cause you pleasure, after placing them on my lap?"52 King Yayati also wants to take Sarmistha on his lap who is wounded by Tamala leaf. In both the contexts the dramatists have made their heroes behave according to the tenets of Vatsyayana. 252 50. tatkaromi paramabhyupaisi yanmam ttiyam vraja bhiyam parityaja | naisa . 18.56. 51. anyadasmi bhavatim na yacita varamekamadharam dhayami te | ityatisvadupakuvak sopamardahathavrttireva tam || sa . 18.59. 52. adke nidhaya karabhoru yathasukham te samvahayami caranavrta padmatamrau || abhi . 3. 20. 53. ityutsange samupavesayitumicchati | yayati . pr .1.

The Kamasutra instructs- "On the second and third up nights, after her confidence has increased still more, he 54 should feel the whole of her body with his hands and 55 kiss her all over; he should place his hands upon her 56 thighs. If she tries to prevent him doing this, he should say to her - "what harm is there in doing it.?' and 57 should persuade her to let him do it. After gaining this point he should touch her private parts, should loosen her girdle and knot of her dress and turning up her lover garment should shampoo the joints of her Laked thighs... 58 5 At last, having overcome her bashfulness, he should begin to enjoy her, without causing her amy distress. 59 253 54. dvitiyasyam trtiyasyam ca ratrau kincidadhikam vistrambhitam hastena yojayet | ka . su . 3.2.31. 55. sarvahnikam cumbanamupakrameta | ka . su . 3.2.32. 56. urvoscopari vinyastahastah samvahanakriyayam sidvayam kramenorumulamapi samvahayet | ka . su . 3. 2. 33. 57. tatra nivarita samvahane ko dosah ityakulayedenam | ka su . 3.2.34. 58. tacca sthirikuryat tatra siddhayam guddyadesabhimarsanam shu rasana viyojanam nivivistramsanam vasanaparivartanamulamulam samvahanam caite casyanyapadesah | ka . su . 3. 2.35. 59. kalena ca kramena vimuktakanyabhavamanudvaijayantupakramet iti kanya vistrambhanam | ka . su . 3.2.36. |

Sriharsa describes all these aphorisms with the example of Nala and Damayanti. When the beloved allows 60 him to kiss her lips, having kissed them Nala states- "I, thy slave, have drunk the wine of thy mouth. Now I should do my duty. So I will render service to thy thighs." thus saying he place his leafy hand on them. When Damayanti avoids his hand with bashfulness, Nala asks- "Was there anything wrong during kissing and the like? Now too, do not fear in vain. Thus saying he effects the first unloosening of the gazelle-eyed maiden's 61 girdle. " Thus the poet directs his hero to act according to the suggestions of the Kamasutra, while creating confidence in the mind of Damayanti. Kalidasa mentions slackening the knot of garment of females many times. Agnivarna's passion increases at once when his beloveds turn their lips in kissing and when they stop the hands which are loosening the knot. 62 254 60. pitatavakamukhasavo'dhuna bhrtya esa nijakrtyamarhati | tatkaromi bhavadurumityasau tatrasamnyadhita panipallavam | naisa . 18.60. 61. cumbanadisu babhuva nama kim tadvatha bhiyamihapi ma krthah | ityudirya rasanavalivyayam nirmame mrgadrso'yamadimam || 18.61. 62. cumbane viparivartitadharam hastarodhi rasana vighattane | vidhinatecchamapi tasya sarvato manmathendhanamabhut vadharatam || 19.27.

255 Parvati obstructs the hand of Sankara as it is placed near the region of her navel; but her garment of its own 63 accord has its tying knot completely loosened. In the Raghuvamsa, prohibition of loosening the knot creates passion in the lover, but in the Kumarasambhava, it expresses the passion of the beloved. 5 Generally women prohibit their lovers through bashfulness, when they drag their garment or when they try to loose the knot of garment. Hence one poet addresses his beloved thus- "You have not refused when I embraced your breasts; you have not turned your face when I kissed; why are you stopping my hand which is near the knot? Having sold the elephant, you are quarrelling about the hook. "64 Mankhaka describes some lovers, who with great passion start dragging the girdle, but their beloveds 65 stop their hands due to bashfulness. In the above contexts 63. nabhidesanihitah sakampaya samkarasya rarudhe tatha karah | tadukulamatha cabhavatsvayam duramucchvasita nivibandhanam | kumara . 8-4. 64. narabdham kucaparirambhanesu vamyam vaimukhyam kimapi na cumbane kadacit | kim nivigatamabale runasi panim vikrite karini kimakuse vivadah || su . ra. bha . pr . 313.47. 65. ka . cihathapaharanaya kare priyena nyaste nyadhatta dayita trapaya niroddhum | yatpanipamka jamabhuta smaradhurtahasta samjna pravrttiriva saiva parasparasya || srikanthah 15.17.

females are prohibiting the act of their lovers, as if they are obeying the rules of Kamasutra. 66 In the Some poets have sketched abashed women, who make fruitless efforts, to hide their nude body, when their garments are dragged by their passionate lovers. When Lord Siva pulls the clothes of Parvati, she, bashfully closes the two eyes of Siva with her two palms. But his third eye on the forehead continues looking; hence her efforts are foiled and she becomes helpless. Meghaduta, Kalidasa pictures some women, who make fruitless efforts to put off the jewel lamps, when their garments are snatched by their consorts. Nilakantha Diksit depicts a lovely girl, who closes with her hands her eyes only, when her lover Indra, who has thousand eyes, snatches her garment, as she is unable to cover all his eyes by her two hands. 68 67 256 66. sulinah karataladvayena sa samnirudhya nayane hrtamsuka | tasya pasyati lalatalocane momayatnavidhura rahasyabhut || kumara . 8.7. 67. nivibandhocchvasitisithilam yatra bimbadharanam ksaumam ragadanibhutakaresvaksipatsu priyesu | arcistunganabhimukhamapi prapyaratnapradipa hanimudhanam bhavati viphalaprerana curnamustih || megha . 70. 68. palathe nivibandhe sati rahasi yatpanivalana- nnavodhah panibhyamapi pihitasaptastanayanah | sahastrasthapyaksnam yugapadapidhanaksamataya punastabhyameva svamapidadhate locanayugam || nila . 5.18.

257 Vatsyayana closes this adhyaya with some verses which 69 states thus- "A man does not succeed either by implicitly following the inclination of a girl or by wholly opposing her, and he should therefore adopt a middle course. Moreover a girl forcibly enjoyed by one who does not understand the hearts of girls, becomes nervous, uneasy and dejected and suddenly begins to hate the man who has taken advantage of her. 70 All the heroes of drama and poetry have tried their level best to court their beloveds. Nala creates confidence in Damayanti by behaving in a moderate manner. Lord Siva gaines the love of Parvati by behaving smoothly. Some lovers use sweet words to conquer the minds of their beloveds. In the Hammara Kavya, the lover creates conf 1 dence with these words- "Be daring. Do not fear. Leave 71 " that shame which is useless. Show your face. Here the 69. natyantamanulomyena na catipratilomyatah | siddhim gacchati kanyasu tasmanmadhyenasadhayet || ka . su . 3. 2. 40. 70. sahasavapyupakranta kanya cittamavindata | bhayam vitrasamudvegam sadyodesam ca gacchati || ka . su . 3. 2. 43. 71. bhajadhrtim tyajabhitimahetuka m hriyamavamcaya vaktramucaya | abhinavamupadestumiti priyamajana ko'pisakhiva patuh svayam || hammira . 7.71.

259 lover has used the middle way to gain her love according to the aphorisms. Kalidasa depicts the idea of the second verse (KS 3.2.43) when Aja enjoys the new kingdom. Here Kalidasa and Vatsyayana have used the words sakasa and udvegam in the same sense and in the same contezt. A Vita in the Rasa-sadana Bhana narrates that the ladies will lose the confidence in men if they are enjoyed 73 forcibly as well as crudely. Narayana, the commentator of the Naisadhiyacarita, refers to one verse which gives 74 the same sense. 72