3.2 The Post-marital love

3.2.1. Separation unendurable

1151
If you will say, 'I leave thee not,' then tell me so;
Of quick return tell those that can survive this woe.
If it is not departure, tell me; but if it is your speedy return, tell it to those who would be alive then.

1152
It once was perfect joy to look upon his face;
But now the fear of parting saddens each embrace.
His very look was once pleasing; but (now) even intercourse is painful through fear of separation.

1153
To trust henceforth is hard, if ever he depart,
E'en he, who knows his promise and my breaking heart.
As even the lover who understands (everything) may at times depart, confidence is hardly possible.

1154
If he depart, who fondly said, 'Fear not,' what blame's incurred
By those who trusted to his reassuring word?
If he who bestowed his love and said "fear not" should depart, will it be the fault of those who believed in (his) assuring words ?

1155
If you would guard my life, from going him restrain
Who fills my life! If he depart, hardly we meet again.
If you would save (my life), delay the departure of my destined (husband); for if he departs, intercourse will become impossible.

1156
To cherish longing hope that he should ever gracious be,
Is hard, when he could stand, and of departure speak to me.
If he is so cruel as to mention his departure (to me), the hope that he would bestow (his love) must be given up.

1157
The bracelet slipping from my wrist announced before
Departure of the Prince that rules the ocean shore.
Do not the rings that begin to slide down my fingers forebode the separation of my lord ?

1158
'Tis sad to sojourn in the town where no kind kinsmen dwell;
'Tis sadder still to bid a friend beloved farewell.
Painful is it to live in a friendless town; but far more painful is it to part from one's lover.

1159
Fire burns the hands that touch; but smart of love
Will burn in hearts that far away remove.
Fire burns when touched; but, like the sickness of love, can it also burn when removed ?

1160
Sorrow's sadness meek sustaining, Driving sore distress away,
Separation uncomplaining Many bear the livelong day!
As if there were many indeed that can consent to the impossible, kill their pain, endure separation and yet continue to live afterwards.


3.2.2. Complainings

1161
I would my pain conceal, but see! it surging swells,
As streams to those that draw from ever-springing wells.
I would hide this pain from others; but it (only) swells like a spring to those who drain it.

1162
I cannot hide this pain of mine, yet shame restrains
When I would tell it out to him who caused my pains.
I cannot conceal this pain, nor can I relate it without shame to him who has caused it.

1163
My soul, like porter's pole, within my wearied frame,
Sustains a two-fold burthen poised, of love and shame.
(Both) lust and shame, with my soul for their shoulder pole balance themselves on a body that cannot bear them.

1164
A sea of love, 'tis true, I see stretched out before,
But not the trusty bark that wafts to yonder shore.
There is indeed a flood of lust; but there is no raft of safety to cross it with.

1165
Who work us woe in friendship's trustful hour,
What will they prove when angry tempests lower?
He who can produce sorrow from friendship, what can he not bring forth out of enmity ?

1166
A happy love 's sea of joy; but mightier sorrows roll
From unpropitious love athwart the troubled soul.
The pleasure of lust is (as great as) the sea; but the pain of lust is far greater.

1167
I swim the cruel tide of love, and can no shore descry,
In watches of the night, too, 'mid the waters, only I!
I have swam across the terrible flood of lust, but have not seen its shore; even at midnight I am alone; still I live.

1168
All living souls in slumber soft she steeps;
But me alone kind night for her companing keeps!
The night which graciously lulls to sleep all living creatures, has me alone for her companion.

1169
More cruel than the cruelty of him, the cruel one,
In these sad times are lengthening hours of night I watch alone.
The long nights of these days are far more cruel than the heartless one who is torturing me.

1170
When eye of mine would as my soul go forth to him,
It knows not how through floods of its own tears to swim.
Could mine eyes travel like my thoughts to the abode (of my absent lord), they would not swim in this flood of tears.


3.2.3. Eyes consumed with Grief

1171
They showed me him, and then my endless pain
I saw: why then should weeping eyes complain?
As this incurable malady has been caused by my eyes which showed (him) to me, why should they now weep for (him).

1172
How glancing eyes, that rash unweeting looked that day,
With sorrow measureless are wasting now away!
The dyed eyes that (then) looked without foresight, why should they now endure sorrow, without feeling sharply (their own fault).

1173
The eyes that threw such eager glances round erewhile
Are weeping now. Such folly surely claims a smile!
They themselves looked eagerly (on him) and now they weep. Is not this to be laughed at ?

1174
Those eyes have wept till all the fount of tears is dry,
That brought upon me pain that knows no remedy.
These painted eyes have caused me a lasting mortal disease; and now they can weep no more, the tears having dried up.

1175
The eye that wrought me more than sea could hold of woes,
Is suffering pangs that banish all repose.
Mine eyes have caused me a lust that is greater than the sea and (they themselves) endure the torture of sleeplessness.

1176
Oho! how sweet a thing to see! the eye
That wrought this pain, in the same gulf doth lie.
The eyes that have given me this disease have themselves been seized with this (suffering). Oh! I am much delighted.

1177
Aching, aching, let those exhaust their stream,
That melting, melting, that day gazed on him.
The eyes that became tender and gazed intently on him, may they suffer so much as to dry up the fountain of their tears.

1178
Who loved me once, onloving now doth here remain;
Not seeing him, my eye no rest can gain.
He is indeed here who loved me with his lips but not with his heart but mine eyes suffer from not seeing him.

1179
When he comes not, all slumber flies; no sleep when he is there;
Thus every way my eyes have troubles hard to bear.
When he is away they do not sleep; when he is present they do not sleep; in either case, mine eyes endure unbearable agony.

1180
It is not hard for all the town the knowledge to obtain,
When eyes, as mine, like beaten tambours, make the mystery plain.
It is not difficult for the people of this place to understand the secret of those whose eyes, like mine, are as it were beaten drums.


3.2.4. The Pallid Hue

1181
I willed my lover absent should remain;
Of pining's sickly hue to whom shall I complain?
I who (then) consented to the absence of my loving lord, to whom can I (now) relate the fact of my having turned sallow.

1182
'He gave': this sickly hue thus proudly speaks,
Then climbs, and all my frame its chariot makes.
Sallowness, as if proud of having been caused by him, would now ride on my person.

1183
Of comeliness and shame he me bereft,
While pain and sickly hue, in recompense, he left.
He has taken (away) my beauty and modesty, and given me instead disease and sallowness.

1184
I meditate his words, his worth is theme of all I say,
This sickly hue is false that would my trust betray.
I think (of him); and what I speak about is but his excellence; still is there sallowness; and this is
deceitful.

1185
My lover there went forth to roam;
This pallor of my frame usurps his place at home.
Just as my lover departed then, did not sallowness spread here on my person ?

1186
As darkness waits till lamp expires, to fill the place,
This pallor waits till I enjoy no more my lord's embrace.
Just as darkness waits for the failing light; so does sallowness wait for the laxity of my husband's intercourse.

1187
I lay in his embrace, I turned unwittingly;
Forthwith this hue, as you might grasp it, came on me.
I who was in close embrace just turned aside and the moment I did so, sallowness came on me like something to be seized on.

1188
On me, because I pine, they cast a slur;
But no one says, 'He first deserted her.'
Besides those who say "she has turned sallow" there are none who say "he has forsaken her".

1189
Well! let my frame, as now, be sicklied o'er with pain,
If he who won my heart's consent, in good estate remain!
If he is clear of guilt who has conciliated me (to his departure) let my body suffer its due and turn sallow.

1190
'Tis well, though men deride me for my sickly hue of pain;
If they from calling him unkind, who won my love, refrain.
It would be good to be said of me that I have turned sallow, if friends do not reproach with unkindness him who pleased me (then).


3.2.5. The Solitary Anguish

1191
The bliss to be beloved by those they love who gains,
Of love the stoneless, luscious fruit obtains.
The women who are beloved by those whom they love, have they have not got the stone-less fruit of sexual delight ?

1192
As heaven on living men showers blessings from above,
Is tender grace by lovers shown to those they love.
The bestowal of love by the beloved on those who love them is like the rain raining (at the proper season) on those who live by it.

1193
Who love and are beloved to them alone
Belongs the boast, 'We've made life's very joys our own.'
The pride that says "we shall live" suits only those who are loved by their beloved (husbands).

1194
Those well-beloved will luckless prove,
Unless beloved by those they love.
Even those who are esteemed (by other women) are devoid of excellence, if they are not loved by their beloved.

1195
From him I love to me what gain can be,
Unless, as I love him, he loveth me?
He who is beloved by me, what will he do to me, if I am not beloved by him ?

1196
Love on one side is bad; like balanced load
By porter borne, love on both sides is good.
Lust, like the weight of the KAVADI, pains if it lies in one end only but pleases if it is in both.

1197
While Kaman rushes straight at me alone,
Is all my pain and wasting grief unknown?
Would not cupid who abides and contends in one party (only) witness the pain and sorrow (in that party)?

1198
Who hear from lover's lips no pleasant word from day to day,
Yet in the world live out their life,- no braver souls than they!
There is no one in the world so hard-hearted as those who can live without receiving (even) a kind word from their beloved.

1199
Though he my heart desires no grace accords to me,
Yet every accent of his voice is melody.
Though my beloved bestows no love on one, still are his words sweet to my ears.

1200
Tell him thy pain that loves not thee?
Farewell, my soul, fill up the sea!
Live, O my soul, would you who relate your great sorrow to strangers, try rather to fill up your own sea (of sorrow).


3.2.6. Sad Memories

1201
From thought of her unfailing gladness springs,
Sweeter than palm-rice wine the joy love brings.
Sexuality is sweeter than liquor, because when remembered, it creates a most rapturous delight.

1202
How great is love! Behold its sweetness past belief!
Think on the lover, and the spirit knows no grief.
Even to think of one's beloved gives one no pain. Sexuality, in any degree, is always delightful.

1203
A fit of sneezing threatened, but it passed away;
He seemed to think of me, but do his fancies stray?
I feel as if I am going to sneeze but do not, and (therefore) my beloved is about to think (of me) but does not.

1204
Have I a place within his heart!
From mine, alas! he never doth depart.
He continues to abide in my soul, do I likewise abide in his ?

1205
Me from his heart he jealously excludes:
Hath he no shame who ceaseless on my heart intrudes?
He who has imprisoned me in his soul, is he ashamed to enter incessantly into mine.

1206
How live I yet? I live to ponder o'er
The days of bliss with him that are no more.
I live by remembering my (former) intercourse with him; if it were not so, how could I live ?

1207
If I remembered not what were I then? And yet,
The fiery smart of what my spirit knows not to forget!
I have never forgotten (the pleasure); even to think of it burns my soul; could I live, if I should ever forget it ?

1208
My frequent thought no wrath excites. It is not so?
This honour doth my love on me bestow.
He will not be angry however much I may think of him; is it not so much the delight my beloved affords me ?

1209
Dear life departs, when his ungracious deeds I ponder o'er,
Who said erewhile, 'We're one for evermore'.
My precious life is wasting away by thinking too much on the cruelty of him who said we were not different.

1210
Set not; so may'st thou prosper, moon! that eyes may see
My love who went away, but ever bides with me.
May you live, O Moon! Do not set, that I mine see him who has departed without quitting my soul.


3.2.7. The Visions of the Night

1211
It came and brought to me, that nightly vision rare,
A message from my love,- what feast shall I prepare?
Where with shall I feast the dream which has brought me my dear one's messenger ?

1212
If my dark, carp-like eye will close in sleep, as I implore,
The tale of my long-suffering life I'll tell my loved one o'er.
If my fish-like painted eyes should, at my begging, close in sleep, I could fully relate my sufferings to my lord.

1213
Him, who in waking hour no kindness shows,
In dreams I see; and so my lifetime goes!
My life lasts because in my dream I behold him who does not favour me in my waking hours.

1214
Some pleasure I enjoy when him who loves not me
In waking hours, the vision searches out and makes me see.
There is pleasure in my dream, because in it I seek and obtain him who does not visit me in my wakefulness.

1215
As what I then beheld in waking hour was sweet,
So pleasant dreams in hour of sleep my spirit greet.
I saw him in my waking hours, and then it was pleasant; I see him just now in my dream, and it is (equally) pleasant.

1216
And if there were no waking hour, my love
In dreams would never from my side remove.
Were there no such thing as wakefulness, my beloved (who visited me) in my dream would not depart from me.

1217
The cruel one, in waking hour, who all ungracious seems,
Why should he thus torment my soul in nightly dreams?
The cruel one who would not favour me in my wakefulness, what right has he to torture me in my dreams?

1218
And when I sleep he holds my form embraced;
And when I wake to fill my heart makes haste!
When I am asleep he rests on my shoulders, (but) when I awake he hastens into my soul.

1219
In dreams who ne'er their lover's form perceive,
For those in waking hours who show no love will grieve.
They who have no dear ones to behold in their dreams blame him who visits me not in my waking hours.

1220
They say, that he in waking hours has left me lone;
In dreams they surely see him not,- these people of the town;
The women of this place say he has forsaken me in my wakefulness. I think they have not seen him visit me in my dreams.


3.2.8. Lamentations at Eventide

1221
Thou art not evening, but a spear that doth devour
The souls of brides; farewell, thou evening hour!
Live, O you evening are you (the former) evening? No, you are the season that slays (married) women.

1222
Thine eye is sad; Hail, doubtful hour of eventide!
Of cruel eye, as is my spouse, is too thy bride?
A long life to you, O dark evening! You are sightless. Is your help-mate (also) as hard-hearted as mine.

1223
With buds of chilly dew wan evening's shade enclose;
My anguish buds space and all my sorrow grows.
The evening that (once) came in with trembling and dimness (now) brings me an aversion for life and increasing sorrow.

1224
When absent is my love, the evening hour descends,
As when an alien host to field of battle wends.
In the absence of my lover, evening comes in like slayers on the field of slaughter.

1225
O morn, how have I won thy grace? thou bring'st relief
O eve, why art thou foe! thou dost renew my grief.
What good have I done to morning (and) what evil to evening?

1226
The pangs that evening brings I never knew,
Till he, my wedded spouse, from me withdrew.
Previous to my husband's departure, I know not the painful nature of evening.

1227
My grief at morn a bud, all day an opening flower,
Full-blown expands in evening hour.
This malady buds forth in the morning, expands all day long and blossoms in the evening.

1228
The shepherd's pipe is like a murderous weapon, to my ear,
For it proclaims the hour of ev'ning's fiery anguish near.
The shepherd's flute now sounds as a fiery forerunner of night, and is become a weapon that slays (me).

1229
If evening's shades, that darken all my soul, extend;
From this afflicted town will would of grief ascend.
When night comes on confusing (everyone's) mind, the (whole) town will lose its sense and be plunged in sorrow.

1230
This darkening eve, my darkling soul must perish utterly;
Remembering him who seeks for wealth, but seeks not me.
My (hitherto) unextinguished life is now lost in this bewildering night at the thought of him who
has the nature of wealth.


3.2.9. Wasting Away

1231
Thine eyes grown dim are now ashamed the fragrant flow'rs to see,
Thinking on him, who wand'ring far, leaves us in misery.
While we endure the unbearable sorrow, your eyes weep for him who is gone afar, and shun (the
sight of) fragrant flowers.

1232
The eye, with sorrow wan, all wet with dew of tears,
As witness of the lover's lack of love appears.
The discoloured eyes that shed tears profusely seem to betray the unkindness of our beloved.

1233
These withered arms, desertion's pangs abundantly display,
That swelled with joy on that glad nuptial day.
The shoulders that swelled on the day of our union (now) seem to announce our separation clearly (to the public).

1234
When lover went, then faded all their wonted charms,
And armlets' golden round slips off from these poor wasted arms.
In the absence of your consort, your shoulders having lost their former beauty and fulness, your bracelets of pure gold have become loose.

1235
These wasted arms, the bracelet with their wonted beauty gone,
The cruelty declare of that most cruel one.
The (loosened) bracelets, and the shoulders from which the old beauty has faded, relate the cruelty of the pitiless one.

1236
I grieve, 'tis pain to me to hear him cruel chid,
Because the armlet from my wasted arm has slid.
I am greatly pained to hear you call him a cruel man, just because your shoulders are reduced and your bracelets loosened.

1237
My heart! say ought of glory wilt thou gain,
If to that cruel one thou of thy wasted arms complain?
Can you O my soul! gain glory by relating to the (so-called) cruel one the clamour of my fading shoulders?

1238
One day the fervent pressure of embracing arms I checked,
Grew wan the forehead of the maid with golden armlet decked.
When I once loosened the arms that were in embrace, the forehead of the gold-braceleted women turned sallow.

1239
As we embraced a breath of wind found entrance there;
The maid's large liquid eyes were dimmed with care.
When but a breath of breeze penetrated our embrace, her large cool eyes became sallow.

1240
The dimness of her eye felt sorrow now,
Beholding what was done by that bright brow.
Was it at the sight of what the bright forehead had done that the sallowness of her eyes became sad?


3.2.10. Soliloquy

1241
My heart, canst thou not thinking of some med'cine tell,
Not any one, to drive away this grief incurable?
O my soul, will you not think and tell me some medicine be it what it may, that can cure this incurable malady?

1242
Since he loves not, thy smart
Is folly, fare thee well my heart!
May you live, O my soul! While he is without love, for you to suffer is (simple) folly.

1243
What comes of sitting here in pining thought, O heart? He knows
No pitying thought, the cause of all these wasting woes.
O my soul! why remain (here) and suffer thinking (of him)? There are no lewd thoughts (of you) in him who has caused you this disease of sorrow.

1244
O rid me of these eyes, my heart; for they,
Longing to see him, wear my life away.
O my soul! take my eyes also with you, (if not), these would eat me up (in their desire) to see him.

1245
O heart, as a foe, can I abandon utterly
Him who, though I long for him, longs not for me?
O my soul! can he who loves not though he is beloved, be forsaken saying he hates me (now)?

1246
My heart, false is the fire that burns; thou canst not wrath maintain,
If thou thy love behold, embracing, soothing all thy pain.
O my soul! when you see the dear one who remove dislike by intercourse, you are displeased and continue to be so. Nay, your displeasure is (simply) false.

1247
Or bid thy love, or bid thy shame depart;
For me, I cannot bear them both, my worthy heart!
O my good soul, give up either lust or honour, as for me I can endure neither.

1248
Thou art befooled, my heart, thou followest him who flees from thee;
And still thou yearning criest: 'He will nor pity show nor love to me.'
You are a fool, O my soul! to go after my departed one, while you mourn that he is not kind enough to favour you.

1249
My heart! my lover lives within my mind;
Roaming, whom dost thou think to find?
O my soul! to whom would you repair, while the dear one is within yourself?

1250
If I should keep in mind the man who utterly renounces me,
My soul must suffer further loss of dignity.
If I retain in my heart him who has left me without befriending me, I shall lose even the (inward) beauty that remains.


3.2.11. Reserve Overcome

1251
Of womanly reserve love's axe breaks through the door,
Barred by the bolt of shame before.
The axe of lust can break the door of chastity which is bolted with the bolt of modesty.

1252
What men call love is the one thing of merciless power;
It gives my soul no rest, e'en in the midnight hour.
Even at midnight is my mind worried by lust, and this one thing, alas! is without mercy.

1253
I would my love conceal, but like a sneeze
It shows itself, and gives no warning sign.
I would conceal my lust, but alas, it yields not to my will but breaks out like a sneeze.

1254
In womanly reserve I deemed myself beyond assail;
But love will come abroad, and casts away the veil.
I say I would be firm, but alas, my malady breaks out from its concealment and appears in public.

1255
The dignity that seeks not him who acts as foe,
Is the one thing that loving heart can never know.
The dignity that would not go after an absent lover is not known to those who are sticken by love.

1256
My grief how full of grace, I pray you see!
It seeks to follow him that hateth me.
The sorrow I have endured by desiring to go after my absent lover, in what way is it excellent?

1257
No sense of shame my gladdened mind shall prove,
When he returns my longing heart to bless with love.
I know nothing like shame when my beloved does from love (just) what is desired (by me).

1258
The words of that deceiver, versed in every wily art,
Are instruments that break through every guard of woman's heart!
Are not the enticing words of my trick-abounding roguish lover the weapon that breaks away my feminine firmness?

1259
'I 'll shun his greeting'; saying thus with pride away I went:
I held him in my arms, for straight I felt my heart relent.
I said I would feign dislike and so went (away); (but) I embraced him the moment I say my mind began to unite with him!

1260
'We 'll stand aloof and then embrace': is this for them to say,
Whose hearts are as the fat that in the blaze dissolves away?
Is it possible for those whose hearts melt like fat in the fire to say they can feign a strong dislike and remain so?


3.2.12. Mutual Desire

1261
My eyes have lost their brightness, sight is dimmed; my fingers worn,
With nothing on the wall the days since I was left forlorn.
My finger has worn away by marking (on the wall) the days he has been absent while my eyes have lost their lustre and begin to fail.

1262
O thou with gleaming jewels decked, could I forget for this one day,
Henceforth these bracelets from my arms will slip, my beauty worn away.
O you bright-jewelled maid, if I forget (him) today, my shoulders will lose their beauty even in the other life and make my bracelets loose.

1263
On victory intent, His mind sole company he went;
And I yet life sustain! And long to see his face again!
I still live by longing for the arrival of him who has gone out of love for victory and with valour as his guide.

1264
'He comes again, who left my side, and I shall taste love's joy,'-
My heart with rapture swells, when thoughts like these my mind employ.
My heart is rid of its sorrow and swells with rapture to think of my absent lover returning with his love.

1265
O let me see my spouse again and sate these longing eyes!
That instant from my wasted frame all pallor flies.
May I look on my lover till I am satisfied and thereafter will vanish the sallowness of my slender shoulders.

1266
O let my spouse but come again to me one day!
I'll drink that nectar: wasting grief shall flee away.
May my husband return some day; and then will I enjoy (him) so as to destroy all this agonizing sorrow.

1267
Shall I draw back, or yield myself, or shall both mingled be,
When he returns, my spouse, dear as these eyes to me.
On the return of him who is as dear as my eyes, am I displeased or am I to embrace (him); or am I to do both?

1268
O would my king would fight, o'ercome, devide the spoil;
At home, to-night, the banquet spread should crown the toil.
Let the king fight and gain (victories); (but) let me be united to my wife and feast the evening.

1269
One day will seem like seven to those who watch and yearn
For that glad day when wanderers from afar return.
To those who suffer waiting for the day of return of their distant lovers one day is as long as seven days.

1270
What's my return, the meeting hour, the wished-for greeting worth,
If she heart-broken lie, with all her life poured forth?
After (my wife) has died of a broken heart, what good will there be if she is to receive me, has received me, or has even embraced me?


3.2.13. The Reading of the Signs

1271
Thou hid'st it, yet thine eye, disdaining all restraint,
Something, I know not, what, would utter of complaint.
Though you would conceal (your feelings), your painted eyes would not, for, transgressing (their bounds), they tell (me) something.

1272
The simple one whose beauty fills mine eye, whose shoulders curve
Like bambu stem, hath all a woman's modest sweet reserve.
Unusually great is the female simplicity of your maid whose beauty fills my eyes and whose shoulders resemble the bamboo.

1273
As through the crystal beads is seen the thread on which they 're strung
So in her beauty gleams some thought cannot find a tongue.
There is something that is implied in the beauty of this woman, like the thread that is visible in a garland of gems.

1274
As fragrance in the opening bud, some secret lies
Concealed in budding smile of this dear damsel's eyes.
There is something in the unmatured smile of this maid like the fragrance that is contained in an unblossomed bud.

1275
The secret wiles of her with thronging armlets decked,
Are medicines by which my raising grief is checked.
The well-meant departure of her whose bangles are tight-fitting contains a remedy that can cure my great sorrow.

1276
While lovingly embracing me, his heart is only grieved:
It makes me think that I again shall live of love bereaved.
The embrace that fills me with comfort and gladness is capable of enduring (my former) sorrow and meditating on his want of love.

1277
My severance from the lord of this cool shore,
My very armlets told me long before.
My bracelets have understood before me the (mental) separation of him who rules the cool seashore.

1278
My loved one left me, was it yesterday?
Days seven my pallid body wastes away!
It was but yesterday my lover departed (from me); and it is seven days since my complexion turned sallow.

1279
She viewed her tender arms, she viewed the armlets from them slid;
She viewed her feet: all this the lady did.
She looked at her bracelets, her tender shoulders, and her feet; this was what she did there (significantly).

1280
To show by eye the pain of love, and for relief to pray,
Is womanhood's most womanly device, men say.
To express their love-sickness by their eyes and resort to begging bespeaks more than ordinary female excellence.


3.2.14. Desire for Reunion

1281
Gladness at the thought, rejoicing at the sight,
Not palm-tree wine, but love, yields such delight.
To please by thought and cheer by sight is peculiar, not to liquor but lust.

1282
When as palmyra tall, fulness of perfect love we gain,
Distrust can find no place small as the millet grain.
If women have a lust that exceeds even the measure of the palmyra fruit, they will not desire (to feign) dislike even as much as the millet.

1283
Although his will his only law, he lightly value me,
My heart knows no repose unless my lord I see.
Though my eyes disregard me and do what is pleasing to my husband, still will they not be satisfied unless they see him.

1284
My friend, I went prepared to show a cool disdain;
My heart, forgetting all, could not its love restrain.
O my friend! I was prepared to feign displeasure but my mind forgetting it was ready to embrace him.

1285
The eye sees not the rod that paints it; nor can I
See any fault, when I behold my husband nigh.
Like the eyes which see not the pencil that paints it, I cannot see my husband's fault (just) when I meet him.

1286
When him I see, to all his faults I 'm blind;
But when I see him not, nothing but faults I find.
When I see my husband, I do not see any faults; but when I do not see him, I do not see anything but faults.

1287
As those of rescue sure, who plunge into the stream,
So did I anger feign, though it must falsehood seem?
Like those who leap into a stream which they know will carry them off, why should a wife feign dislike which she knows cannot hold out long?

1288
Though shameful ill it works, dear is the palm-tree wine
To drunkards; traitor, so to me that breast of thine!
O you rogue! your breast is to me what liquor is to those who rejoice in it, though it only gives them an unpleasant disgrace.

1289
Love is tender as an opening flower. In season due
To gain its perfect bliss is rapture known to few.
Sexual delight is more delicate than a flower, and few are those who understand its real nature.

1290
Her eye, as I drew nigh one day, with anger shone:
By love o'erpowered, her tenderness surpassed my own.
She once feigned dislike in her eyes, but the warmth of her embrace exceeded my own.


3.2.15. Expostulation with Oneself

1291
You see his heart is his alone
O heart, why not be all my own?
O my soul! although you have seen how his soul stands by him, how is it you do not stand by me?

1292
'Tis plain, my heart, that he 's estranged from thee;
Why go to him as though he were not enemy?
O my soul! although you have known him who does not love me, still do you go to him, saying "he will not be displeased."

1293
'The ruined have no friends, 'they say; and so, my heart,
To follow him, at thy desire, from me thou dost depart.
O my soul! do you follow him at pleasure under the belief that the ruined have no friends?

1294
'See, thou first show offended pride, and then submit,' I bade;
Henceforth such council who will share with thee my heart?
O my soul! you would not first seem sulky and then enjoy (him); who then would in future consult you about such things?

1295
I fear I shall not gain, I fear to lose him when I gain;
And thus my heart endures unceasing pain.
My soul fears when it is without him; it also fears when it is with him; it is subject to incessant sorrow.

1296
My heart consumes me when I ponder lone,
And all my lover's cruelty bemoan.
My mind has been (here) in order to eat me up (as it were) whenever I think of him in my solitude.

1297
Fall'n 'neath the sway of this ignoble foolish heart,
Which will not him forget, I have forgotten shame.
I have even forgotten my modesty, having been caught in my foolish mind which is not dignified enough to forget him.

1298
If I contemn him, then disgrace awaits me evermore;
My soul that seeks to live his virtues numbers o'er.
My soul which clings to life thinks only of his (own) gain in the belief that it would be disgraceful for it to despise him.

1299
And who will aid me in my hour of grief,
If my own heart comes not to my relief?
Who would help me out of one's distress, when one's own soul refuses help to one?

1300
A trifle is unfriendliness by aliens shown,
When our own heart itself is not our own!
It is hardly possible for strangers to behave like relations, when one's own soul acts like a stranger.


3.2.16. Pouting

1301
Be still reserved, decline his profferred love;
A little while his sore distress we 'll prove.
Let us witness awhile his keen suffering; just feign dislike and embrace him not.

1302
A cool reserve is like the salt that seasons well the mess,
Too long maintained, 'tis like the salt's excess.
A little dislike is like salt in proportion; to prolong it a little is like salt a little too much.

1303
'Tis heaping griefs on those whose hearts are grieved;
To leave the grieving one without a fond embrace.
For men not to embrace those who have feigned dislike is like torturing those already in agony.

1304
To use no kind conciliating art when lover grieves,
Is cutting out the root of tender winding plant that droops.
Not to reconcile those who have feigned dislike is like cutting a faded creeper at its root.

1305
Even to men of good and worthy mind, the petulance
Of wives with flowery eyes lacks not a lovely grace.
An increased shyness in those whose eyes are like flowers is beautiful even to good and virtuous husbands.

1306
Love without hatred is ripened fruit;
Without some lesser strife, fruit immature.
Sexual pleasure, without prolonged and short-lived dislike, is like too ripe, and unripe fruit.

1307
A lovers' quarrel brings its pain, when mind afraid
Asks doubtful, 'Will reunion sweet be long delayed?'
The doubt as to whether intercourse would take place soon or not, creates a sorrow (even) in feigned dislike.

1308
What good can grieving do, when none who love
Are there to know the grief thy soul endures?
What avails sorrow when I am without a wife who can understand the cause of my sorrow?

1309
Water is pleasant in the cooling shade;
So coolness for a time with those we love.
Like water in the shade, dislike is delicious only in those who love.

1310
Of her who leaves me thus in variance languishing,
To think within my heart with love is fond desire.
It is nothing but strong desire that makes her mind unite with me who can leave her to her own dislike.


3.2.17. Feigned Anger

1311
From thy regard all womankind Enjoys an equal grace;
O thou of wandering fickle mind, I shrink from thine embrace!
You are given to prostitution; all those who are born as womankind enjoy you with their eyes in an ordinary way. I will not embrace you.

1312
One day we silent sulked; he sneezed: The reason well I knew;
He thought that I, to speak well pleased, Would say, 'Long life to you!'
When I continued to be sulky he sneezed and thought I would (then) wish him a long life.

1313
I wreathed with flowers one day my brow, The angry tempest lowers;
She cries, 'Pray, for what woman now Do you put on your flowers?'
Even if I were adorned with a garland of branch-flowers, she would say I did so to show it to another woman.

1314
'I love you more than all beside,' 'T was thus I gently spoke;
'What all, what all?' she instant cried; And all her anger woke.
When I said I loved her more than any other woman, she said "more than others, yes, more than others," and remained sulky.

1315
'While here I live, I leave you not,' I said to calm her fears.
She cried, 'There, then, I read your thought'; And straight dissolved in tears.
When I said I would never part from her in this life her eyes were filled with tears.

1316
'Each day I called to mind your charms,' 'O, then, you had forgot,'
She cried, and then her opened arms, Forthwith embraced me not.
When I said I had remembered her, she said I had forgotten her and relaxing her embrace, began to feign dislike.

1317
She hailed me when I sneezed one day; But straight with anger seized,
She cried; 'Who was the woman, pray, Thinking of whom you sneezed?'
When I sneezed she blessed me, but at once changed (her mind) and wept, asking, "At the thought of whom did you sneeze?"

1318
And so next time I checked my sneeze; She forthwith wept and cried,
(That woman difficult to please), 'Your thoughts from me you hide'.
When I suppressed my sneezing, she wept saying, "I suppose you (did so) to hide from me your own people's remembrance of you".

1319
I then began to soothe and coax, To calm her jealous mind;
'I see', quoth she, 'to other folks How you are wondrous kind'
Even when I try to remove her dislike, she is displeased and says, "This is the way you behave towards (other women)."

1320
I silent sat, but thought the more, And gazed on her. Then she
Cried out, 'While thus you eye me o'er, Tell me whose form you see'.
Even when I look on her contemplating (her beauty), she is displeased and says, "With whose thought have you (thus) looked on my person?"


3.2.18. The Pleasures of 'Temporary Variance

1321
Although there be no fault in him, the sweetness of his love
Hath power in me a fretful jealousy to move.
Although my husband is free from defects, the way in which he embraces me is such as to make me feign dislike.

1322
My 'anger feigned' gives but a little pain;
And when affection droops, it makes it bloom again.
His love will increase though it may (at first seem to) fade through the short-lived distress caused by (my) dislike.

1323
Is there a bliss in any world more utterly divine,
Than 'coyness' gives, when hearts as earth and water join?
Is there a celestial land that can please like the feigned dislike of those whose union resembles that of earth and water?

1324
'Within the anger feigned' that close love's tie doth bind,
A weapon lurks, which quite breaks down my mind.
In prolonged dislike after an embrace there is a weapon that can break my heart.

1325
Though free from fault, from loved one's tender arms
To be estranged a while hath its own special charms.
Though free from defects, men feel pleased when they cannot embrace the delicate shoulders of those whom they love.

1326
'Tis sweeter to digest your food than 'tis to eat;
In love, than union's self is anger feigned more sweet.
To digest what has been eaten is more delightful than to eat more; likewise love is more delightful in dislike than intercourse.

1327
In lovers' quarrels, 'tis the one that first gives way,
That in re-union's joy is seen to win the day.
Those are conquerors whose dislike has been defeated and that is proved by the love (which follows).

1328
And shall we ever more the sweetness know of that embrace
With dewy brow; to which 'feigned anger' lent its piquant grace.
Will I enjoy once more through her dislike, the pleasure of that love that makes her forehead perspire?

1329
Let her, whose jewels brightly shine, aversion feign!
That I may still plead on, O night, prolong thy reign!
May the bright-jewelled one feign dislike, and may the night be prolonged for me to implore her!

1330
A 'feigned aversion' coy to pleasure gives a zest;
The pleasure's crowned when breast is clasped to breast.
Dislike adds delight to love; and a hearty embrace (thereafter) will add delight to dislike.