Verse 2.4.114

Sanskrit text, Unicode transliteration, Word-for-word and English translation of verse 2.4.114:

गोपाल-देवात् करुणा-विशेषं ध्याने समालिङ्गन-चुम्बनादिम् ।
प्राप्तोऽस्मि तत् हन्त समक्षम् अस्माद् ईप्सन् विदूये तद्-असिद्धितोऽत्र ॥ ११४ ॥

gopāla-devāt karuṇā-viśeṣaṃ dhyāne samāliṅgana-cumbanādim |
prāpto'smi tat hanta samakṣam asmād īpsan vidūye tad-asiddhito'tra || 114 ||

gopāla-devāt–from the Lord of the cowherds (Gopāla-deva); karuṇā–mercy; viśeṣām–special; dhyāne–in meditation; yam–which; āliṅgana–hearty embracing; cumbana–kissing; ādim–and so forth; prāptaḥ asmi–I would attain; tat–He; hanta–alas!; samakṣam–before my very eyes; asmāt–from Him; īpsan–desiring; vidūye–I was distressed; tad–that; asiddhitaḥ–because of not being fulfilled; atra–there.

In my meditation, Gopāla-deva had given me His special mercy, allowing me the happiness of receiving His embraces, kisses, and so on. But alas! Although I was living close to the Lord of Vaikuṇṭha, my desire was not fulfilled. Thus, I felt anxious and distressed.

Commentary: Dig-darśinī-ṭīkā with Bhāvānuvāda

(By Śrīla Sanātana Gosvāmī himself including a deep purport of that commentary)

Śrī Gopa-kumāra continues, “Previously during meditation, I had obtained the special mercy of Śrī Madana-gopāla, receiving His embraces, kisses, laughing, joking, and so on. But alas! Now, even though I was directly near the Lord of Vaikuṇṭha, my desire was not being fulfilled. I desired the same mercy from Śrī Vaikuṇṭhanātha and became greatly distressed upon realizing that such special mercy is not possible in Vaikuṇṭha.”