Verse 2.3.82

Sanskrit text, Unicode transliteration, Word-for-word and English translation of verse 2.3.82:

एषा हि लालसा नूनं कृपणं माम् अबाधत ।
सम्भाषेरन्न् इमे किं मां शिवस्य कृपया सकृत् ॥ ८२ ॥

eṣā hi lālasā nūnaṃ kṛpaṇaṃ mām abādhata |
sambhāṣerann ime kiṃ māṃ śivasya kṛpayā sakṛt || 82 ||

eṣā–this; hi–indeed; lālasā–longing; nūnam–indeed; kṛpaṇam–wretched; mām–me; abādhata–checked; sambhāṣeran–they may speak; ime–they; kim–whether?; mām–me; śivasya–of Śrī Śiva; kṛpayā–by the mercy; sakṛt–once.

It is extremely difficult to fulfill the desire of being the servant of Bhagavān’s personal associates. Because I was unable to pray for that position even in my mind, feelings of great wretchedness and humility filled my heart. In addition, the longing to attain this servitorship began to grow and torment my heart even more. I thought, “If Śrī Śiva gives me his mercy, maybe there is a chance that they will speak to me just once.”

Commentary: Dig-darśinī-ṭīkā with Bhāvānuvāda

(By Śrīla Sanātana Gosvāmī himself including a deep purport of that commentary)

Śrī Gopa-kumāra says, “I became very distressed because of being unable to pray to serve them even in my mind. Deeply troubled, I wondered with great longing, ‘Will these four-armed great souls talk with me, even once?’”