Verse 2.2.114

Sanskrit text, Unicode transliteration, Word-for-word and English translation of verse 2.2.114:

ततो जपेऽपि मे निष्ठाम् अविन्दत सुखं स्वतः ।
किन्त्व् अस्या माधुरी भूमेर् व्याकुली-कुरुते मनः ॥ ११४ ॥

tato jape'pi me niṣṭhām avindata sukhaṃ svataḥ |
kintv asyā mādhurī bhūmer vyākulī-kurute manaḥ || 114 ||

tataḥ–thereafter; jape–in chanting mantra; api–also; me–I found; niṣṭhām–determination; avindata–found; sukham–happiness; svataḥ–naturally; kintu–but; asyāḥ–of that; mādhurī–of sweetness; bhūmeḥ–because of the land (Vraja); vyākulī-kurute–became troubled; manaḥ–mind.

Due to this, my mind became peaceful. Therefore, when I saw Bhagavān’s beautiful form or when I engaged in my chanting, which had completely matured, I spontaneously experienced great joy. Nevertheless, whenever I chanted my mantra, I would also become distressed at heart and tormented by feelings of separation from the sweetness of Vṛndāvana.

Commentary: Dig-darśinī-ṭīkā with Bhāvānuvāda

(By Śrīla Sanātana Gosvāmī himself including a deep purport of that commentary)

Now, as before, Śrī Gopa-kumāra desires to proceed to an even higher abode. In four verses, beginning here with tata, he explains some of his reasons for leaving Tapoloka. He says, “Because my mind had become pacified, because I was able to have darśana of Bhagavān, and because my natural conviction in chanting my mantra had increased–in other words, because my chanting had reached maturity–I would effortlessly become blissful.” To reveal the characteristics of the mature, ripened state of his chanting, Gopa-kumāra says, “In this way, I truly enjoyed all varieties of pleasure like that of the residents of Tapoloka. Still, even then, when I chanted my mantra, the sweetness of Śrī Vṛndāvana would bewilder my mind and I felt intense separation remembering the land of Vraja.”