Verse 2.1.182

Sanskrit text, Unicode transliteration, Word-for-word and English translation of verse 2.1.182:

अथ तस्यान्तरीणायां सेवायां कर्हिचित् प्रभोः ।
जाता रुचिर् मे ततोऽपि तस्या अघटनान् महान् ॥ १८२ ॥

atha tasyāntarīṇāyāṃ sevāyāṃ karhicit prabhoḥ |
jātā rucir me tato'pi tasyā aghaṭanān mahān || 182 ||

atha–then; tasya–of Him; āntarīṇāyām–intimate; sevāyām–in service; karhicit–something; prabhoḥ–for the Lord; jātā–manifested; ruciḥ–desire; me–of me; tataḥ–then; api–however; tasyāḥ–on account of that; aghaṭanāt–because of unfulfillment; mahān–great.

Thereafter, I began to yearn to perform some intimate service to the Lord. I also began to experience deep anguish in my heart when this desire was not fulfilled.

Commentary: Dig-darśinī-ṭīkā with Bhāvānuvāda

(By Śrīla Sanātana Gosvāmī himself including a deep purport of that commentary)

After describing the happiness of that place in a general manner, Śrī Gopa-kumāra now intends to narrate how he yearned for the unique bliss of rendering extraordinary service to the Lord, the method of obtaining that happiness, and the mental torment he suffered when his desire was not fulfilled. He speaks of this in three verses, beginning here with atha.

He says, “After some time, I experienced in my heart the longing to enter Śrī Jagannātha-deva’s temple and freely engage in the services His confidential servitors perform.” Because this wish was almost impossible to realize, Gopa-kumāra might think, “Just as it is impossible to touch the moon, similarly how can this impossible desire of mine be fulfilled?” To address his own doubt, he says, “prabhoḥ sarvaṃ kartuṃ samarthasyeti–the Lord is capable of doing anything.” The intended meaning is, “Although it was impossible for me to receive such service, nevertheless, the Lord could make it happen. In spite of my intense yearning, I was not able to obtain such service, and I therefore experienced extreme mental anguish.”