Text 13

Śrī Rādhā’s condition of udvega, anxiety, in separation from Śrī Kṛṣṇa is described in Kṛṣṇa-karṇāmṛta (42):

किम् इह कृणुमः कस्य ब्रूमः कृतं कृतम् आशया
   कथयत कथाम् अन्यां धन्याम् अहो हृदयेशयः
मधुर-मधुर-स्मेराकारे मनो-नयनोत्सवे
   कृपण कृपणा कृष्णे तृष्णा चिरं बत लम्बते

kim iha kṛṇumaḥ kasya brūmaḥ kṛtaṃ kṛtam āśayā
   kathayata kathām anyāṃ dhanyām aho hṛdayeśayaḥ
madhura-madhura-smerākāre mano-nayanotsave
   kṛpaṇa kṛpaṇā kṛṣṇe tṛṣṇā ciraṃ bata lambate

What shall I do now? To whom shall I speak? What is the purpose of holding on to the futile hope of receiving His darśana? Please speak about something better. Aho ! But how can I possibly stop talking about He who is contained within My heart? His gentle, sweet smile is a festival for the mind and eyes. My longing to see this form of Śrī Kṛṣṇa increases moment by moment.

एबे बल कि करिब, कारे दुःख जानाइब,
देह धरि कृष्णेर आशाय
कह अन्य कथा धन्य, याते चित्त सुप्रसन्न,
सखि! ताहा ना हैबे उपाय

ebe bala ki kariba, kāre duḥkha jānāiba,
deha dhari kṛṣṇera āśāya
kaha anya kathā dhanya, yāte citta suprasanna,
sakhi! tāhā nā haibe upāya

कृष्ण हृदे शु’ये आछे, मृदु मधु हासितेछे,
मनो-नयनेर महोत्सव
कृष्ण लखिबार आशा, मने कैल चिर वासा,
से आशा कृपणा असम्भव

kṛṣṇa hṛde śu’ye āche, mṛdu madhu hāsiteche,
mano-nayanera mahotsava
kṛṣṇa lakhibāra āśā, mane kaila cira vāsā,
se āśā kṛpaṇā asambhava

Commentary: Bhajana-rahasya-vṛtti:

A variety of sentiments are arising in Śrī Rādhā’s heart. While in this state of bhāva-śābalya (the clashing and jostling of many different bhāvas, in which one bhāva suppresses another and becomes predominant), Śrī Rādhā says, “O sakhīs, what shall I do in this state of misfortune? I do not know how I will attain darśana of Kṛṣṇa. To whom shall I express this heart-breaking anguish? In this state of separation from Kṛṣṇa, your condition is similar to Mine, so who in Vraja can I tell about the condition of My heart?”

A moment later, Śrī Rādhā conceals Her bhāva-śābalya and says (Śrīmad-Bhāgavatam 11.8.44): “‘Āśā hi paramaṃ duḥkham–hope itself is the consummate giver of sorrow.’ For many days I have sat and waited, hoping that Kṛṣṇa would soon come, but so far He has not arrived. Now it is appropriate to give up that hope.” Here the sañcāri-bhāva called mati (resolve or wisdom) has arisen, after which amarṣa (intolerance or indignation) appears. Śrī Rādhā then says, “O sakhīs, stop talking about that ungrateful Kṛṣṇa! Please tell Me about something else.” As She says this, Kṛṣṇa manifests to Her in an internal vision. Wounded by the arrow of kāma, She becomes restless like a deer pierced by an arrow, and the bhāva of amarṣa becomes covered by the appearance of trāsa (fear). Overwhelmed, She cries, “Oh, what pain! Kṛṣṇa is lying in My heart, casting a sweet, gentle sidelong glance at Me with His laughing eyes. This smiling glance is a great festival for the eyes and minds of all vraja-ramaṇīs.”

Suddenly this bhāva disappears, and great distress and remorse stir in Her heart. Again She laments, saying, “Sakhī, what shall I do? You tell Me to be patient, but how can I be? The hope of receiving Kṛṣṇa’s darśana occupies My mind, but this seems to be merely a vain hope that should be cast off.” While lamenting in this way, autsukya-bhāva (ardent desire) again arises. Restless in separation from Kṛṣṇa, Śrīmatī says, “Understanding that her hope was causing extreme distress, the prostitute Piṅgalā^[1] renounced it and became happy. I should also give up the hope of attaining Kṛṣṇa, but it is so difficult to stop talking about Him. Alas! The thirst for Śrī Kṛṣṇa’s darśana is increasing in My heart moment by moment. That thirst is also increasing madana (kāma), which is sweeter than sweet.”

Footnotes and references:

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[1]:

The story of Piṅgalā is narrated in Śrīmad-Bhāgavatam, Eleventh Canto, Chapter 8.