Chapter 12 - Do Not Give It Up

MANY PEOPLE start meditating with some sort of expectation, which is perfectly normal. Some even read the instruction in books and try it on their own. There is enthusiasm to begin with.

As one sits down closing ones eyes and trying to focus on one point such as breathing, one comes to see that it is really hard to keep focusing like that for even five minutes. One starts experiencing a bit of disappointment. Meditation does not seem as fantastic as one used to think. Many actually stop learning meditation at this stage. Determination and patience are tested even at the first kick off.

Meditation, especially Vipassana meditation, is as difficult to grasp as the nature of ones own mind. Vipassana meditation is, indeed, concerned with learning and controlling the functions of the mind with a view to increasing its efficiency. We all presume that we know ourselves very well, and that includes our mind. In practice, the function of the mind is very complex. In the middle of enjoying ourselves, we can suddenly feel disappointed. What seemed so wonderful in life can quickly become a depressing an experience. We know that our mind is the most crucial factor in all this. But we hardly know how it works and how we can make it work better.

To imagine intellectually what the mind is like is similar to looking for an answer to how the world began. We end up with a comfortable answer to satisfy ourselves because we feel rather uncomfortable not knowing. The world was created! We could settle with such a theory which then can invite equally reasonable objections. One cannot be really satisfied unless one forces oneself to believe it. Because it is based on presumption.

Vipassana meditation is not based on presumption. The field of study of Vipassana meditation is the function of the present mind, which exist in the very here and now. One comes to see what one did not expect to see such as a wandering mind, crazy thoughts, impatience and frustration lingering on in the mind. It is not that encouraging to go on with meditation with such things in mind! One has a good excuse to give it up.

Do not give it up even though you cannot keep focusing on the primary object such as breathing or abdominal moments for a very long time. Breathing exercise is not all about meditation. Vipassana meditation is much more than that. It is about learning how we can be happy and how we can be disappointed. Only once we have learnt that will we be able to sustain happiness and prevent another disappointment. When you become disappointed because you cannot focus on your breathing, you should simply observe and recognise that disappointment. Disappointment could be for any reason; it could be because the bus is late or because you do not enjoy your daily meal. What matters here is disappointment itself. Take it as a meditation object rather than blaming yourself. Do not give it up. Instead, accept it and move forward. Start focusing on breathing again. It does not matter even if you can only stay with one or two breathes. There is no failure. Knowing that disappointment is present is in itself progress. That knowing has to be grasped as the first step and continue to build upon, no matter what the object of knowing is. It can be breathing or your wandering mind, pain or disappointment. The objects are not important here. Only knowing is important. That knowing is called mindfulness. With mindfulness, you will become more determined and more patient.