Eager to Hear

These confidential discussions (above) stem mostly from Śrīla Viśvanātha Cakravartī Ṭhākura’s book called Rāga Vartma Candrikā and Śrīla Raghunātha dāsa Gosvāmī’s Śrī Vilāpa-kusumāñjali. Although these books were published in English by other devotees, the ISKCON leaders headed by Tamāla Kṛṣṇa Mahārāja wanted to hear these topics coming from a bona fide authority in the line of Śrīla Rūpa Gosvāmī. They could not grasp the essence without his clarification and detailed explanations.

At the time when they used to come to hear from Śrīla Gurudeva, they tried to keep the door closed during class in his room for two main reasons. Obviously they did not want any noise to come in and disturb and secondly they wanted to keep it secret. Some of them didn’t want our māṭha brahmacārīs, who to them were considered junior, to come and join the class. Our māṭha brahmacārīs were well trained by Śrīla Gurudeva. If Śrīla Gurudeva would ask questions, our brahmacārīs who were all wellversed and who knew siddhānta could readily reply and this may not look good on them. As the personal servant of Gurudeva I would always be there with him ready to serve in any way. Although they did not want other brahmacārīs to come, they could not stop me in my service.

In Mathurā, only during the day after Ekādaśī, we used to go for collection, door to door, and would bring flour, rice, dāl, spices, potatoes and other vegetables. On one such Dvādaśī, I came back from my collecting to offer my praṇāma to Gurudeva. Gurudeva’s door was locked from inside. I knocked, and then I knocked a second time, after which they opened the door. Upon seeing me they looked nervous, understanding what they had done was wrong. Even though I was upset, I thought it was not proper to come in front of Gurudeva and other Vaiṣṇavas in an angry mood. So I went to cook for Śrīla Gurudeva since it was already past 11:30 A.M. Although they reckoned me to come in, I preferred not to go. I was already running late and I had to get started preparing for Śrīla Gurudeva’s special diet. After I finished cooking, I went back and Tamāla Kṛṣṇa Mahārāja and Girirāja Mahārāja asked me why I was angry today. I replied, “I was not angry, but I do have one question and one request. Then Tamāla Kṛṣṇa Mahārāja told me. “Please ask.” I was Navīna Kṛṣṇa Brahmacārī back then and I made this request to them, “Śrīman Mahāprabhu is namo mahā-vadanaya. He’s the greatest, most munificent donor, giving prema. All of you are preaching His mission all over the world. You are also generous and broadminded and are great donors.

Is the indication of broadminded and generous that you keep the door closed so others cannot hear Gurudeva’s hari-kathā? So my request from today is please don’t be miserly. All the brahmacārīs in the māṭha also want to listen to Śrīla Gurudeva. They were here from the beginning with Śrīla Gurudeva, and by closing the door, you are closing them out. This is not fair or proper. They can sit quietly behind you, no problem, and you can sit in the front and ask whatever you want without interruption. Whoever is qualified will understand and whoever is not qualified will not understand. So from now on, I want the door open so that all can get equal opportunity to listen to Gurudeva’s class.”

From that day on, this incident was never repeated. When Gurudeva gave the class, the door remained open even on special occasions like Dvādaśī when I was not there.