Verse 2.4.119

Sanskrit text, Unicode transliteration, Word-for-word and English translation of verse 2.4.119:

यदा कदाचिन् निज-लभ्य-वस्तुनो ऽनाप्त्य् एव हृत् सीदति पूर्व-पूर्ववत् ।
तदा तदीया परिपूर्णता रुजं निदानम् आज्ञाय निरस्यते स्वयम् ॥ ११९ ॥

yadā kadācin nija-labhya-vastuno 'nāpty eva hṛt sīdati pūrva-pūrvavat |
tadā tadīyā paripūrṇatā rujaṃ nidānam ājñāya nirasyate svayam || 119 ||

yadā kadācit–whenever; nija–through my life; labhya–to be obtained; vastunaḥ–from the substance; anāptyā–because of not attaining; iva–just as; hṛt–the heart; sīdati–would feel distressed; pūrva-pūrva-vat–as many times before; tadā–then; tadīyā–of that (Vaikuṇṭha); paripūrṇatā–the state of complete perfection; rujām–for the pain; nidānam–the cause; ājñāya–by knowing; nirasyate–it became dispelled; svayam–naturally.

Whenever I could not obtain the desired object of my life, I would feel as distressed as in the past. However, I would show myself the complete excellence of Vaikuṇṭha to try to relieve my mind of its worrisome feeling of uneasiness.

Commentary: Dig-darśinī-ṭīkā with Bhāvānuvāda

(By Śrīla Sanātana Gosvāmī himself including a deep purport of that commentary)

One attains the most cherished, special abode as the consummate result of worshiping the lotus feet of Śrī Madanagopāla. But Śrī Gopa-kumāra had not yet been able to achieve that realm. Therefore, he had developed a feeling of indifference towards his stay in Vaikuṇṭha. With the idea of pacifing his afflicted mind, he first speaks about the esoteric glories of residing in Vaikuṇṭha that he has realized by intelligent discrimination. He explains this in four verses, beginning here with yadā, saying, “Sometimes, as before, I would experience distress in my heart.”

The brāhmaṇa might ask, “When you reached Vaikuṇṭha, your innumerable desires were fulfilled, so how is it possible that you were feeling so pained at heart?”

Gopa-kumāra answers, “This is true. However, I felt some semblance of distress because I had not achieved my ultimate goal.” To indicate the apparent nature of distress, he uses the suffix iva, meaning ‘as if.’ “Then properly apprehending that the cause of my heartache was my desire for something superior even to Vaikuṇṭha, I would attempt to remove my anxiety myself.”